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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26645968">pull me back together again (the way you cut me in half)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/28sunflowers/pseuds/28sunflowers'>28sunflowers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, I know Harry said sad sex is no but I decided sad sex is yes... I'm sorry, M/M, Mild Smut, My First Smut, Post-Break Up, Sad with a Happy Ending, because I like to complicate things, btw for anyone who still wants to read it, but it's a major plot point - be aware, do not read for the sex you will be disappointed, no cheating is done in the present it's all in the past, oh and everyone is 5 years older than irl okay? just so there's no confusion there haha, sad sex, strangers to lovers to exes to lovers, the E is for part of chapter 6 :)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:28:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26645968</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/28sunflowers/pseuds/28sunflowers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When trying to figure out who the love of his life is, Harry’s brain brings back a specific name from his past. </p><p>That’s why, a decade after a messy divorce, Louis opens his door to find his ex-husband standing on the other side, asking for a second chance.</p><p> </p><p>Or a This Is Us AU starring Harry as Kevin and Louis as Sophie, but I selectively choose to use only some parts of what's cannon on the show.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>1d Breakup Fic Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. May 2019</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A thousand thank you's to Marie, who was my beta and so very supportive through my writing process. You're an angel and I couldn't have done it without you. She has <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/louloubaby92/">her own fics</a> on ao3 too, so there's a fic rec for y'all. </p><p> </p><p>~ Disclaimers ~</p><p>All similarities with the series This Is Us were probably done on purpose, but without the intention to plagiarize. Feel free to call me out on anything.</p><p>Most of my characterization of Harry comes from my view of Kevin. This is not a portrait of how I see Harry (or Louis, for that matter).</p><p>Title from Beyoncé’s visual album, Lemonade, which also inspired me when I was writing this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, basically, you had two great partners and you fucked it up with both?”</p><p>Harry groans and drops his head on the table. Here he is, pouring his heart out, hoping to get some sympathy, but is encountered with judgement. If he wanted a snarky remark, he’d go straight to Gemma.</p><p>Though, to be fair, Michael <em>is</em> Gemma’s boyfriend. What did Harry expect from him?</p><p>“Yeah, no need to throw it in my face like that.” He’s annoyed.</p><p>Michael claps his hands together, and Harry turns his face to look at him. He’s smiling, and Harry doesn’t know why he looks excited. Nothing about the situation he’s in is exciting.</p><p>“Okay, lucky for you, I’m actually great at romance. You just have to pick a girl and I’ll help you win her back.”</p><p>Harry sits up straight at that. Hope fills his chest and he doesn’t feel completely dejected for the first time in a week. All he has to do is make a choice.</p><p>Oh. He has to make a choice.</p><p>He sighs in defeat. “They are both great, really.”</p><p>Michael rolls his eyes just like Gemma does whenever she thinks Harry is being stupid. He wonders for a moment if they’re becoming one, after being together for so long. It’s a scary thought.</p><p>“Harry, romantic gestures of big magnitude are only effective if they’re directed at the love of your life.”</p><p>The love of his life? How is he supposed to know which one of them could end up being the love of his life?</p><p>“I –”  </p><p>Michael stops him by grabbing Harry’s face with both hands and staring into his eyes.</p><p>“Close your eyes,” he orders, tightening his hold when Harry doesn’t immediately comply. “Harry, I’m serious, close your eyes.”</p><p>Harry decides to play along.</p><p>“Good. Now, I want you to picture the love of your life, the person you’re building a family with. You have only thirty seconds to win her back, only one last shot in three sentences. What are you saying, and who are you saying it to?”</p><p>The realization of who it should be hits Harry hard. His heart starts beating fast at the mere idea of it.</p><p>“I got it,” he whispers, afraid of his own thoughts. But he can’t back out now that he figured out what he really wants.</p><p>“There it is!” Michael lets his face go and sits back in his chair. He looks pleased with himself.</p><p>But there’s no time to spare, Harry needs to act before he can talk himself out of this. He stands up, and motions for Michael to follow him. “C’mon, let’s do this!”</p><p>“Now?!” Michael is shocked but gets up and grabs his car keys from the table, clearly on board with whatever crazy plan Harry is coming up with.</p><p>“Yes! When else?” Harry waits for Michael to leave the apartment and locks the door behind them.</p><p>Michael opens his phone’s GPS and gives it to Harry while they make their way down to the car. Harry types in the address he’s memorized ages ago, and it shows a twenty-minute journey to their destination.</p><p>Harry buckles up on the passenger seat. The car ride is quiet besides Harry’s occasional direction instructions. The air is filled with an anxious buzz, and Harry has to hold himself back from frantically bouncing his legs.</p><p>Thankfully there really isn’t any traffic and, soon enough, Michael parks the car in front of a small house with a very flashy red door on top of a few steps. Harry stares at it intently. He’s never been here before, but it looks a lot like a place his ex would get, so he figures the address he got is right.</p><p>He takes a deep breath as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “It’s now or never.”</p><p>Michael squeezes his shoulder in comfort. “Go get her. I’ll wait for you here.”</p><p>Harry almost runs up the few steps, but can’t make himself knock so fast. He fixes his hair, then his jacket. He realizes his hands are sweaty, so he wipes them on his jeans. A minute goes by and his heartbeat is closer to its normal beating rate.</p><p>He gives the door three short knocks, and then steps down a couple of steps to wait for an answer.</p><p>Louis is smiling when he opens the door, but it disappears when he sees who is waiting for him outside. Harry watches the emotions flicker through his face: shock, confusion, sadness, and then it stops at anger.</p><p>Louis’ eyes narrow and it seems like he’ll close the door on Harry’s face, so Harry reaches out to hold it open.</p><p>“Hi,” he says lamely, lost in the moment of seeing Louis for the first time in so long. He looks even better than Harry remembers, and he wants him back so bad.</p><p>Louis lets out an annoyed huff. “Harry, what –”</p><p>“I just have three sentences to say, please.” Harry begs before Louis can get anything out, in fear he won’t give Harry a chance.</p><p>Louis looks torn, but gives an affirmative nod after seconds of consideration. He lets the door go, and crosses his arms in front of his body defensively.</p><p>Harry has to get this right.</p><p>“I fell in love with you the moment that I saw you. I should’ve never let you get away.” Harry pauses. He has one sentence left. “And it’s like you are a part of me, and when I lost you it felt like I lost a limb or something.”</p><p>That wasn’t good enough, so he carries on desperately.</p><p>“Dot dot dot, and it’s like my body doesn’t know how to balance its weight without that limb, comma, and I really want my limb back because I never stop thinking about it.” Harry swallows down the emotions threatening to choke back his words. “Parenthesis, you look amazing. End parenthesis. Period.”</p><p>Louis bursts out in a fit of nervous laughter.</p><p>Harry really wasn’t expecting that. He watches wide-eyes until Louis’ laugh turns into chuckles and then dies down.</p><p>Oh, god, that’s bad. Louis outright laughed at him.</p><p>“Please say something?” Harry asks tentatively.</p><p>“Harry.” Louis sighs deeply.</p><p>“Yea?”</p><p>“My ex-husband, who I haven’t seen in almost ten years, just showed up at my doorstep. I don’t know what you want me to say, exactly.” He sounds less annoyed than before, more resigned. That’s better, right? Maybe Harry can get through to him.</p><p>“Ask me to come in?”</p><p>“I can’t do that.” Louis leans against the doorframe, effectively blocking any attempt Harry could make to walk into his house. Harry thinks over his other options.</p><p>“Then say you will meet up with me so we can have a conversation?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Harry.” And Harry can see the hurt in his eyes, the insecurities coming back. Maybe this was a bad idea.</p><p>Harry opens his mouth a few times, trying to come up with something to make the pain leave Louis’ expression. All he can come with is a soft: “Please.”</p><p>Louis watches him closely, and Harry thinks he’s trying to figure out Harry’s motivation behind the request. He must have found something decent, because he eventually nods his head again.</p><p>“Fine, give me your phone.” He extends his right arm towards Harry.</p><p>Harry pats down to find his phone in one of his pockets and fumbles to get it to Louis, who smiles fondly at Harry’s clumsiness.</p><p>Harry catches the look and smiles back at him, causing Louis to roll his eyes at him. It’s not all lost. Things could be going a lot worse.</p><p>He uses the seconds that will take Louis to type in his new number to look at him closely. Harry always knew Louis would be one of those people who just get better with age, but it is one thing to picture it and another one to actually see it with his own eyes.</p><p>Louis’ hair has a good chunk of white in it now, mostly near his temples. It looks good on him. He can see a few wrinkles near Louis’ eyes, and he can imagine how prominent and lovely they must look when he’s happy. Louis is clean shaven, which puts his cheekbones in full display. Harry always loved his cheekbones, so pronounced against his otherwise soft features.</p><p>He remembers watching Louis’ feature in awe when they first started going out, overwhelmed by how happy and excited he was every time Louis – wonderful, beautiful Louis – and him went out on a new date. The dates kept pilling up, until they were moving in together and getting married, but Harry was always impressed by Louis.</p><p>He kept getting better with time. Youth wasn’t a crucial factor for his charm and enchantment. Harry wanted to touch his face, trace the lines he’s seeing. His chest aches momentarily for losing that right so many years ago. For losing so much time he could’ve spent watching Louis grow.</p><p>Harry’s startled out of his reverie when Louis clears his throat loudly. Harry realizes Louis is smirking while the blush grows strong on Harry’s face.</p><p>Louis offers his phone back, which he takes carefully.</p><p>“Hm, thank you. I’ll,” he stutters, “I’ll text you later?”</p><p>“Sure.” Louis says. He takes a step back and then firmly closes the door, effectively ending their interaction. Harry stares at the red door for a while, trying to calm his happy heart. He can’t get ahead of himself and bring his expectations up too much.</p><p>But this was a good start.</p><p>He turns back and makes his way down the steps. He can see Michael watching from his car, looking slightly confused. Harry can’t blame him, given that he didn’t come after either woman he told Michael about.  </p><p>He throws himself into the passenger seat.</p><p>“So?” Michael asks hopefully.</p><p>“I did it. He agreed to meet with me and talk.” He can’t help it, the grin that spreads on his face. He’s happy, sue him. He can have a few moments and only check in with his feelings later.</p><p>“Good for you!” Michael exclaims, and they both sit in their happy bubble for a while. Michael breaks it eventually. “But what the fuck? What happened to Candice and Olivia?”</p><p>Harry shrugs, “You said it would only work if it was the love of my life.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. September – October 2004</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Who’s that?” Louis asks after Zayn waves to a boy on the other side of the restaurant they’re in. The boy is beautiful; he has chocolate curls framing his face innocently, and plush pink lips that Louis instantly wishes he could taste. It really was infatuation at first sight.</p><p>Zayn quirks an eyebrow at him. “Harry? He’s Liam’s new roommate.”</p><p>“Liam? Our friend Liam?” How come Liam didn’t tell Louis that the cutest boy in university was his new roommate? Louis deserves to know things like that.</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“Since when?” Louis turns away from Zayn and back to the boy, Harry. He seizes up the opportunity to stare at him some more, since the boy is busy making his order. His broad shoulders are nicely complementing his height. His legs look amazing, long and lean inside the dark blue jeans he’s wearing. Louis wants to feel them wrapped around him.</p><p>Zayn clears his throat, startling Louis out of his daydream, and when he looks over, Zayn is smirking.</p><p>“Hey, Harry!” he shouts, still looking directly at Louis smugly and not caring about disturbing everyone around them. “Come sit with us.”</p><p>Harry looks like a deer caught in headlights, and Louis finds it extremely endearing. He can see the boy flushing before he starts to make his way towards them.</p><p>“Hi, Zayn. I don’t want to bother –”</p><p>“Nonsense, sit down.” Zayn waves Harry off, but makes no move to open space for him on his side of the table.</p><p>Louis scooches over his side to open more space and pats the seat next to him. “There you go, you can sit next to me.”</p><p>Harry smiles softly in thanks and does so, fidgeting nervously.</p><p>Louis looks at Zayn, hoping he is managing to communicate his confusion through his eyes. Zayn shrugs in response. The asshole.</p><p>The silence stretches on for too long, bordering rude, really. Louis has to take matters into his on hands.</p><p>“So, Harry, what are you doing eating all alone?” he asks, trying to make his tone friendly.</p><p>“Oh.” Harry sounds embarrassed. “Haven’t made friends here yet, and Liam spends a lot of his time with Sophia.”</p><p>Zayn snorts. “Yeah, he does.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Harry, in a few weeks you’re gonna be surrounded by new friends! The first month is always a bit tough.” Louis tries reassuring the other boy.</p><p>Harry relaxes at that and smiles softly at Louis. His face has some sauce on it and Louis has to force himself to look away. How can this boy be so entrancing? They’ve met literally five minutes ago.</p><p>Harry goes back to eating, answering questions directed at him between bites but not really joining the conversation otherwise. Louis tries paying attention to Zayn, even when he can feel Harry’s presence so prominently next to him.</p><p>Harry takes a napkin and clears his face, then audibly sighs. “I’m actually in a bit of a rush, so I have to go. But thank you so much for letting me sit with you!”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Harry. You’re welcome anytime.”</p><p>“Well, it was nice meeting you.” He stands up with a smile and walks towards the front of the restaurant to hand back the plate and cutlery he used.</p><p>“What are you waiting for?” Zayn questions indignantly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Zayn rolls his eyes rudely at him. “Go ask for his number, it’s clear you want to.”</p><p>“Don’t be stupid, I don’t even know if he’s gay.”</p><p>Zayn groans, “you’re such an idiot, Lewis. It was obvious he was into you too.”</p><p>Louis frowns. “No, it wasn’t.”</p><p>It really wasn’t, Louis thinks. But Harry doesn’t seem like the type to be homophobic. He’ll probably just let Louis down gently and pretend nothing ever happened when they eventually cross paths because of Liam.</p><p>Louis watches Harry make his way to the door.</p><p>“Harry, wait,” he calls out, then follows him towards the exit. “Hm, I’m sorry if this is too forward and don’t feel pressured to say yes but would you maybe give me your phone number? I could show you around maybe? Since you’re new here and everything.”</p><p>Harry’s soft smile slowly morphs into a grin, though, and that calms down Louis’ insecurities.</p><p>“Yes, I’d love that. Here,” he takes a notebook out of his bag and opens on an empty page. Louis can’t see what he’s writing, but he doesn’t have to right now. “I’ll wait for you to call or text.”</p><p>Harry takes the page out and folds it in four parts before handing it to Louis.</p><p>Louis can feel himself blushing but now he’s a lot happier than before.</p><p>“I will. Soon.” he promises.</p><p>They watch each other for a few seconds, until Harry clears his throat.</p><p>“I have to go. I’ll be late for class.” He looks regretful to be saying it and Louis feels over the moon about it. Maybe if he asked Harry to, he’d skip his class and go out with Louis right now.</p><p>But Louis wouldn’t ask that of him.</p><p>“Yeah, bye. See you.” Louis waves shyly and walks back to his table.</p><p>Louis looks over one last time just as Harry is closing the door behind him, and they wave at each other again. He gets called out of watching the empty spot Harry left by Zayn.</p><p>“I told you so!”</p><p>Louis pretends to be annoyed for a few seconds, but he can’t keep the smile off his face for long. He sits down by the table again, and then opens the paper Harry gave him.</p><p>
  <em>I hope I get to hear from you soon. Harry :)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Louis has kissed a good amount of random people in his life. Girls in parties during high school that he didn’t want to kiss but was peer pressured into. Drunk boys in college parties to prove to himself that he’s free and can kiss as many boys as he wants, and to prove to others his attraction to men is real.</p><p>But the idea of kissing Harry is different. It’s not trivial, or something he can do recklessly. So, he’s waiting until it feels like it’s the right moment.</p><p>Louis guesses Harry feels the same way about it, as he makes no move to kiss Louis either, even though they are obviously flirting and getting to know each other in the hours they spend together on the phone. And if how big Harry smiles when he saw Louis arriving on their first two dates is something to go by, the boy is also happy about the development of their relationship so far.</p><p>Louis is pacing around his flat’s kitchen when finally, there’s a knock on the door. His heartbeat picks up and Louis feels giddiness rushing back into him at the prospect of going out with Harry again. He forces himself to walk calmly to the door and takes a deep breath before opening it.</p><p>Harry stands on the other side looking wonderful, offering up a bouquet of orange, yellow and red lilies. It’s colorful and fresh, and Louis loves it immediately.</p><p>“Oh, Harry, they’re beautiful.” He takes the bouquet from Harry’s hand and smells them softly. “Thank you.”</p><p>Louis walks back into the kitchen and unable to find a vase, puts the flowers in some water inside an empty juice jar.</p><p>Harry watches amusedly. “Next time, I’ll give you a vase too.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Louis can feel himself blushing, but tries to hide it with a roll of eyes. “Never needed one before today.”</p><p>Louis takes Harry’s hand and pulls him out of his flat, locking the door behind them. They make their way downstairs together and when they leave the building, Harry turns right and keeps walking.</p><p>“Where are we going?” Louis asks conversationally.</p><p>“Oh, the theater a few blocks down is playing The Notebook today.” Harry smiles at him, but Louis can see in his eyes that he’s anxious. “Have you seen it?”</p><p>“I haven’t.” He squeezes Harry’s hand, hoping to convey to the other boy that it’s alright; he can loosen up.</p><p>“You said you did Grease in high school so I guessed you wouldn’t hate romcoms. And I heard a lot of good things about it in the past two months.” Harry explains.</p><p>Louis watches him fondly. He’s the cutest boy Louis has ever dated. “I trust your judgment. And if it sucks, at least you bought me some popcorn.”</p><p>Louis is rewarded for his playfulness with a bright smile from Harry.</p><p>“That’s right. Popcorn and candy and soda. Everything for you.” Harry indulges him.</p><p>Louis giggles, hiding it behind his hand and looking coyly at Harry.</p><p>When they arrive, the long lines make Harry frown, looking down at his watch. Louis looks around and finds a banner with the timetable, saying their movie starts in fifteen minutes.</p><p>Louis drops Harry’s hand and straightens up, knocking their shoulders together. “I’ll buy the tickets while you get us food, yea?”</p><p>“No, Louis, today’s my treat.” Harry refutes.</p><p>Louis has to roll his eyes. “Don’t worry, big shot, you’ll have other opportunities to pay.”</p><p>The mention of future dates is apparently all the convincing Louis has to do for today, as Harry mumbles an agreement and they go their separate ways. They find each other again by the hallway that leads to the individual sessions, just in time. When they sit together and the lights are out, Harry searches for Louis’ hand again, resting them on his thigh. Louis gets comfortable as the movie begins.</p><p>It is, apparently, very good, if the audience’s reactions so far are a measure of it. Louis can hear Harry crying softly, trying to stifle his noises, and Louis is more than endeared. He watches the lights from the big screen reflecting against Harry’s face, the little pout of his lips, glistening wet as he keeps licking them. He sees another tear make its way out of Harry’s eyes and realizes he completely lost track of the movie. He can’t help the breathy laugh that escapes him, and thinks himself so silly watching Harry instead of the movie.</p><p>Harry turns to him, frowning adorably. “Why are you laughing?” he whispers.</p><p>Louis just shakes his head in response, and Harry’s brows furrow deeper, searching Louis’ face.</p><p>Louis laughs again. “I just think it’s cute, that you’re so affected by the movie.”</p><p>Even in the dim light, Louis can see Harry flush in embarrassment.</p><p>He can’t resist it anymore, Louis needs to kiss Harry. They’ve waited long enough.</p><p>He turns his body sideways and brings a hand to cup Harry’s face. Harry watches him expectantly, understanding the implications of his gesture. Louis takes a calming breath and leans closer, looking for any hesitancy from Harry’s side and finding none. They stop, noses brushing together, nervous in the moment when there’s no taking back anymore.</p><p>And then Louis just goes for it. He tilts his head to the side and fits his mouth completely against Harry’s. He can feel and hear Harry inhale hastily through his nose before he presses back, his free hand not entwined with Louis’ searching for a place to hold. It ends up landing on Louis’ shoulder, and it’s awkward, so Louis pulls back, chuckling again.</p><p>He takes the almost-empty popcorn from Harry’s lap and puts it on the floor, then drops the hand he’s holding between them. He adjusts himself so he’s properly facing Harry to try again.</p><p>This time, Harry leans in as much as he can, grabbing Louis by the waist and bringing them closer together, as Louis burrows a hand in his curls to hold their heads close.</p><p>Harry drops his mouth open a bit and Louis understands the invitation immediately, licking his lips before delving deeper, exploring Harry’s mouth as he coaxes the other boy to do the same.</p><p>His heartbeat is picking up quickly, and Louis can feel the world disappearing to just the feel of Harry’s lips against his and the hands holding his hips tightly. A particularly good swipe of tongue stirs interest from his groin and Louis lets out an accidental moan.</p><p>A second later someone complains loudly behind them.</p><p>They jump apart, out of breath. Louis disentangles himself completely from Harry and sits back on his chair, embarrassed for causing a scene. He looks over and Harry is watching him in awe, disheveled in a beautiful way. His eyes are puffy and still wet, his hair is a bit wild.</p><p>Louis needs to get a grip on himself before he does something that gets them both kicked out of the session.</p><p>He fixes his hair and sends a wink over to Harry, leaning closer to the boy again. “We can continue this later.”</p><p>They both adjust themselves, getting comfortable in their chairs. Harry grabs the popcorn and puts it back on his lap, even though neither of them make a move to eat the rest of it. Louis takes his hand one more time, rests his head on Harry’s shoulder and closes his eyes.</p><p>He missed enough of the movie that he can’t catch up at this point, but he’d rather just feel Harry’s presence next to him anyways. He can sense Harry slowly relax in his seat as the minutes go by, so Louis follows his lead.</p><p>After the credits roll up and the theater empties out, Harry walks Louis home. There’s an electricity in the air between them, expectancy clearly flowing from both sides even amidst the trivial conversational topics they’re talking. Louis decides, before he can get carried away, that he won’t invite Harry inside with him. They are doing well, there’s no need to rush now. Slow and steady is better.</p><p>So, when Harry kisses him in the vacant lobby, Louis lets him but doesn’t instigate anything else. It’s just nice, languidly making out, until they mold into one another. By the time Louis pulls away, his lips feel raw and tender, and he wishes the wholesome feeling in his chest never leaves.</p><p>He clears his throat, arms still thrown around Harry’s neck, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck.</p><p>“See you soon?” he asks quietly, trying not to break the spell holding them into this comforting bubble where no one else exists.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry pecks his lips once again. “Soon.”</p><p>Louis steps back once, smirking at Harry’s reluctance to letting him go.</p><p>“Goodnight,” Louis singsongs, walking backwards towards the stairs leading up to his apartment.</p><p>“Sleep well!” Harry calls out when Louis is almost out of sight and Louis carries it with him to his door, smiling stupidly to himself.</p><p>He lets himself into the quiet flat, dropping his keys on the table next to the flowers he left there earlier. Louis takes the jar and hugs it to his chest. He closes his eyes at the happiness overcoming him and enjoys it for a minute. He really hit the dating jackpot with Harry.</p><p>But he needs to calm down; he can’t start dreaming ahead before they’re even officially dating.</p><p> </p><p>As the days gradually grow shorter and colder, Harry and Louis find themselves more often than not spending time together, and before they know it, it’s Halloween.</p><p>Louis watches as the people come in and out of the dorm freely, all dressed up and spilling liquor around the doorsteps. It looks packed and Britney Spears is playing louder than it should be. Louis has a moment of reluctance before following Zayn inside, but eventually joins him to move through the crowd and straight into a makeshift bar. Zayn takes two clean cups lying around and fills them on the keg, handing one to Louis.</p><p>“Cheers!” Louis thanks him, before taking a sip.</p><p>They look around a bit, but it’s fruitless. There’s no way they’ll recognize people from afar with all the costumes and lack of decent lighting.</p><p>“I need to look for Harry,” Louis shouts near Zayn’s ear, trying to overcome all the noise around them. They are half an hour late to the time Harry said he’d be there with Liam and Sophia, so Louis figures he must be around the mass of people gathered in the impromptu dancing floor the common dorm area has become.</p><p>Zayn nods and waves him off, so Louis starts shuffling around all the bodies. Every so often he asks a “have you seen Captain Hook?” to random groups hanging around.</p><p>He gets multiple denials until a group of Mean Girls ask if he means Harry, and when Louis says he does, they point him towards one of the rooms that are opened.</p><p>When Louis gets to the doorway, he sees Harry immediately. He’s sharing a single bed with Liam, Sophia, and two women Louis recognizes as Sophia’s friends. They are all engrossed in some sort of discussion until Harry spots him by the doorway.</p><p>His smile grows impossibly big and he makes grabby hands in Louis’ direction. “Louis! You’re here!”</p><p>Louis laughs at Harry’s excitement and makes his way to him easily enough. “Hi, baby. Sorry I’m late, it’s Zayn’s fault this time.”</p><p>Harry kisses him quickly, carelessly bringing Louis down to sit half on top of him. It’s a wonder the bed is withstanding all their joined weight and movement.</p><p>“Zoe, Vicky, this is Louis. Lou, these are Zoe and Victoria.” Harry makes the introductions.</p><p>“We’re finally meeting the infamous boyfriend!” Zoe jokingly celebrates.</p><p>Louis feels Harry freeze momentarily under him and he looks down to see what’s wrong. He finds Harry worriedly watching him.</p><p>“That would be me, yes,” he confirms cautiously.</p><p>Harry breaks out into a grin again and hides his face in Louis’ neck, breathing deeply. He hugs Louis even closer than before.</p><p>Louis lets out a laugh, realizing what just happened.</p><p>“We’re on the same page, yeah?” he whispers, so only Harry will hear it.</p><p>Harry nods against his neck. “Yeah.”</p><p>Louis takes gently pushes Harry’s head away from where it’s nestled against him to properly look at the other man. He shakes his head, “I can’t believe you didn’t know we are dating. We have matching costumes, for fuck’s sake.”</p><p>Harry blushes furiously, muttering a “shut up”.</p><p>It’s the cutest thing Louis’ ever seen.</p><p>After that, Louis can’t be blamed for his lack of self-control: he needs to kiss Harry right now.</p><p>It was supposed to be an innocent kiss, but Louis can’t help but turn it into a full on making out session. Harry gasps and his mouth opens for Louis to take. Louis properly straddles Harry’s thighs and grabs a fistful of curls to hold onto, making Harry’s hat fall on the bed.</p><p>There are multiple complaint noises coming from their company, which quickly turns into resigned ones as Harry pulls Louis’ hips down to rut against him. Louis’ body fills with pleasure as they pick a lazy rhythm, moving together as they kiss on the bed and their friends start getting up from it.</p><p>Louis hears the footsteps leaving and the door closing behind them, so he breaks away from Harry. He pushes himself off the bed and locks the door, giving them complete privacy even with the chaos going on outside.</p><p>Harry stares at him wide-eyed. “Louis, we can’t have sex here.”</p><p>Louis walks slowly to the bed again, resting a knee near Harry’s legs and looking down at him mischievously. “Why not, boyfriend?”</p><p>Harry’s blush deepens, spreading out to his neck as Louis watches him intensively.</p><p>“Because –” he splutters as Louis lowers himself on the bed, hand pressing down on Harry’s bulge.</p><p>“Because?” Louis prompts teasingly. He kisses Harry’s cheek and then makes his way down to his jaw, his neck, kissing all the lovely skin available to him.</p><p>Harry’s breath picks up and he squirms under Louis’ ministrations.</p><p>Louis starts nipping at Harry’s neck when a hand grips his wrist and takes it away from Harry’s dick. He puts some space between himself and his boyfriend, watching Harry’s flushed face stare up at him.</p><p>“Really, though, I,” Harry fumbles to explain, “we can go to one of our places if you want.”</p><p>Louis feels guilty for not realizing Harry really didn’t want to do anything here and making him feel pressured.</p><p>“Hey, baby, it’s fine.” Louis nuzzles on Harry’s cheek, making him giggle softly. “We don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sorry for pushing.”</p><p>Harry shakes his head. “You didn’t. It’s fine.”</p><p>Louis stands up and adjusts himself, hoping his boner won’t be too noticeable with the large shirt falling on top of the costume’s tights. He extends a hand to help Harry up and finds him ogling his body. He smirks.</p><p>“Like the view?”</p><p>Harry groans. “Dressing up as Peter Pan is both your best and worst idea ever.”</p><p>Louis snorts and wiggles his eyebrows. “C’mon, stop starting. You can give my legs the appreciation they deserve when we go home.”</p><p>Harry reluctantly gets out of the bed and puts his hat back on his head.</p><p>They stare at each other for a few seconds at the door, and Louis can physically feel the adoration coming out of Harry’s eyes. It’s a lot to take and he feels breathless all over again, this time with the overwhelming knowledge him and Harry are officially a thing. They chose each other and it might be the last time Louis will ever start a relationship again.</p><p>He can’t help the smile that overcomes his features, and he watches as Harry reciprocates it. Louis is so utterly gone for him already.</p><p>Halloween might just become the best holiday of the year.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. May 2019</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry is at the diner he and Louis used to come to all the time, back when they were dating. He’s sitting at their usual booth, waiting for the food he already ordered and Louis. There’s no sign of him yet, but he’s only been waiting for five minutes. Fifteen minutes late for everything is kind of Louis’ default mode, as Harry remembers it. </p><p>He had to convince a couple to give up their seats to make this happen, but he thinks this might be important to bring back good memories, and all that. They were wary when Harry first approached them, but became fond when he explained his plan to get his ex-husband back. He got a pat on the back and two good luck wishes as they moved to a table nearby.</p><p>Now Harry is fidgeting with the salt and pepper shakers. The waiter puts the two cold cokes on the table with a friendly smile, and informs him that the food will be ready in five to ten minutes. Harry thanks her and takes a sip to distract himself.</p><p>He hears the little bell at the door jingle, and looks up to find Louis walking into the diner. He waves him over with a smile, but regrets it as soon as he sees the look on Louis’ face.</p><p>Louis looks mad as he rushes his way to Harry, stopping right in front of him.</p><p>“Who the hell do you think you are, Harry?” Louis shouts.</p><p>Harry’s speechless. He’s pretty sure he might die of embarrassment today.</p><p>“Just showing up at my doorstep like that. It’s invasive. You better tell me you’re dying. Like soon. But you’re not, right?”</p><p>Harry shakes his head.</p><p>“You’re not. So, fuck you.” Louis gets it all out, and he’s breathless by the end of his rant. He runs his hands through his hair frenetically, and Harry feels an urge to grab his wrist and make him stop.</p><p>He can’t do that, though.</p><p>“Two cheeseburgers, one standard and one with extra pickles and no tomatoes.” The waiter steps right between them as she puts the food down. Harry thinks she’s trying to stop the scene before she has to kick them out or something. He will give her a huge tip in thanks.</p><p>Louis looks caught by complete surprise at that. He stares at the burgers wide-eyed before looking back at Harry. His resolve crumbles.</p><p>“Dammit, Harry.” He sits down, bringing the modified burger to his side of the table. “You’re paying.”</p><p>Harry is still a bit shocked at everything that’s happened in the past five minutes. He watches Louis eat until he gives Harry a weird look. Harry looks down, flustered at being caught staring and his lack of reaction so far.</p><p>He grabs his burger and takes a bite. It’s as good as he remembers this place to be, so he’s pleased. Harry looks back up and sees the same look on Louis’ face. He hopes that helps with the mood of the conversation.</p><p>When some sauce runs down Louis’ chin and he uses his thumb to clean it, Harry can’t help it smiling. “I forgot how much I missed just eating with you.”</p><p>Louis stares at him blankly. “Why did you come to find me?”</p><p>Okay, they’re going right into that. That’s fine. Harry came prepared for this talk.</p><p>“Because I never stopped thinking about you.”</p><p>Louis pulls a dubious face, but doesn’t object. He just goes on eating his fries.</p><p>Maybe Harry should steer this conversation to better subjects.</p><p>“So, hm, tell me everything that’s going on, I haven’t seen you in a while.”</p><p>Louis does seem to relax a bit at the change in topic. Harry high fives himself mentally.</p><p>“I’ve just recently got promoted to nurse manager.” Louis offers.</p><p>“That’s awesome!” Harry’s happy for Louis; it’s what he’s always wanted. “Now you’re officially, like, the best nurse in the hospital.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m badass.” Louis smirks, but it’s playful.</p><p>Harry laughs. Yeah, he knows Louis is great. He gets everything he puts his mind to.</p><p>“It’s so nice to talk to you, pick up where we left off.”</p><p>And apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Louis’ light-hearted spirit evaporates in a second, a frown painting his features.</p><p>“Where we left off? Have you forgotten where we left off?” Louis sounds incredulous, making Harry try to backtrack that course of conversation.</p><p>“No, I mean, that’s not what I –”</p><p>“Oh my god, this was a huge mistake.” Louis takes a napkin and starts cleaning his fingers.</p><p>Harry has to intervene before he walks out the door. “Please, let’s talk.”</p><p>Louis stops. His stare is hard and cold on Harry.</p><p>“Oh, you want to talk? Where we left off was you cheating on me and ruining our marriage.” Louis states matter-of-factly, his eyes daring Harry to deny it. Harry won’t do that.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about the cheating? Let’s do it.”</p><p>That catches Louis off guard, but his face returns to anger quickly. “No, I don’t actually.”</p><p>Harry brings his hands up to show his backing down. He won’t try to make excuses for his behavior ten years ago.</p><p>“Listen, I just want you to know I’ve changed.”</p><p>Louis looks down at that. Then he says quietly, “You know, I had to move back with my mom because I couldn’t afford our place by myself. Then I dated a bunch of jerks. Almost got married again, even. Which didn’t work out, obviously.” He looks ashamed, so Harry tries taking his hands. Louis brings them down under the table and shakes his head, though, without making eye contact with Harry.</p><p>“I was in a bad place for so long, Harry. But I’m happy now. I love my job. I love my house. And I go on dates with nice guys.” Louis finally looks at him again, and points between them. “This, this history we have, it’s complicated and heavy.”</p><p>Harry says his next words very carefully. He’s well aware they could be one of the last ones he voices to Louis. “If you’re truly happy, then I’m happy for you. But, listen. Do you remember what you wore the first time I saw you?”</p><p>“Of course not.”</p><p>“You wore a red wool sweater that looked extremely comfortable, a little too big on you. Your hair was down in a soft fringe that you kept fixing with your fingers that poked out of your sweater paw. I thought to myself, ‘wow, he’s the cutest boy I’ve ever seen.’ And that was the second-best day of my life, only losing to the day you married me.”</p><p>Louis makes no move to talk back, so Harry carries on.</p><p>“I’m still in love with you, Lou. Please give me another shot.”</p><p>Louis looks tired. Like hearing all that drained the energy out of him. He doesn’t reply for a while, randomly picking at the remains of his food.</p><p>Harry watches his hands while he’s at it. The nails are kept short and well groomed, but his fingers have more small scars than he remembers, probably from all the years working at the hospital.</p><p>“I need more time to think, to get my feelings in order. I’ll let you know what I decide.” Louis says. He looks almost apologetic.</p><p>Harry gives a reassuring half-smile. “That’s fine. You have my number.”</p><p>Louis nods. “Yeah…I’m gonna go. This was a lot.”</p><p>“If you don’t reply to me in a week, I’m knocking on your door again.” Harry says in a joking tone, but he means it. He doesn’t want to go on without an actual answer from Louis, even if it’s to let him down.</p><p>Louis huffs out a soft laugh. “That’s fair. Bye, Harry.”</p><p>“Bye, Lou.” Harry watches Louis stand up, grab his things and then walk out the diner. He sags against his chair, hiding his face in his hands. Louis was right, this was a lot. But it could’ve gone a lot worse.</p><p>Harry lets out a deep breath and waves the waiter over to ask for the check.</p><p>It’s going to be a long week.</p><p> </p><p>Harry drops down on his bed with a heavy sigh. It’s been two days of frantically checking his phone every fifteen minutes, hoping Louis had finally texted, only to be disappointed every time. Harry knows, logically, that Louis said he needed time and they agreed on a week, but he can’t help feeling both anxious and hopeful. If his phone pings, it could be Louis saying ‘yes’ to him.</p><p>He tries to avoid thinking about the fact Louis could just as well say ‘no’.</p><p>Harry walks to his closet to take a box out, hoping it will distract him for the rest of the night. He finds it on the highest shelf, behind some old clothes he wants to donate but keeps forgetting to, where he hid it from wandering hands. It wouldn’t be a good idea to have flings and short-term partners seeing the things inside the box.</p><p>It’s a bit dusty, so Harry cleans it with his sleeve and blows on it lightly. He walks back to his bed holding it tightly and makes himself comfortable, building up the courage to go through the content inside.</p><p>He takes the lid off and drops it on the pillow next to him, and the first thing he sees punches the air out of him. Right on top of a stack of photos in the corner, is a photo of Louis and him on their wedding. It’s one of those nice ones they make you take right in the beginning of the reception, so no one is drunk yet.</p><p>Harry looks at the 22-year-old version of himself smiling brightly at the camera, and he can almost feel his cheeks hurting, from grinning for hours straight back then. It was definitely the happiest day of Harry’s life. Even in his lowest days after the divorce, Harry never regretted marrying Louis, it was truly the biggest privilege he had in his lifetime.</p><p>Harry’s wearing a white suit with wide leg pants, a silky shirt underneath, his long hair flowing down in neatly arranged curls until past his shoulder. He remembers their family and friends advising against one of them wearing white; saying it wasn’t necessary to fit gender roles in their wedding, but Harry had fallen in love with the suit upon seeing it.</p><p>Louis had stopped the discussion by stepping in next to Harry, telling their families that “Harry will wear whatever he feels most comfortable in. Wearing white doesn’t mean he’ll be playing bride. I’m the one walking down the aisle, anyways. Let him be.”</p><p>And that was that on the topic.</p><p>Louis was the talk of the day, though. He looked exceptionally beautiful, long fringe curled up and falling down the side of his face. He let his hair grow with Harry’s for a while, and ended up liking the length on top. The navy-blue suit fitted nicely against his compact frame, accentuating his waist and the curve of his hips. His beauty is unparalleled, and Harry remembers falling in love with him again as he watched Louis walk down the aisle, thinking that he was marrying the most stunning man on earth.</p><p>Harry is startled when a drop falls on the picture and he realizes it’s a tear. He cleans it quickly to avoid any damage and wipes his face, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He realizes the hurricane of emotions that go through his heart whenever he opens the memory box isn’t followed by intense self-hatred this time, which might be due to the fact he’s trying to rekindle things with Louis.</p><p>He really hopes everything works out.</p><p>Releasing a shaky breath, Harry puts the photo back in the box. He takes out the next one, from their first Christmas together, just after their first-year anniversary.</p><p>He snorts and the sadness gives way to amusement as he looks at himself, draped over Louis’ body, passed out. He can see the bright green eyeshadow on his face and the pink childish blush drawn in circles on his cheek. Louis is beaming at the camera, looking tired but soft. His eyes crinkling like it only does when he’s truly happy.</p><p>They spent the holiday with Louis’ family back then and it was wonderful. Louis’ sister took an immediate liking to Harry, who was a total pushover with children and let them paint his nails and practice makeup on his face. He remembers Jay sending the girls up to wash up when he started yawning, sending a wink his way when he smiled gratefully.</p><p>He had been tired, but so content.</p><p>A moment later Louis came in with two hot chocolates and they ended up snuggled on the couch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas playing softly on TV. It took a few minutes at most of Louis playing with his curls for Harry to fall asleep on him, only disturbed from it by a flash hitting his face.</p><p>“Mom, you should’ve turned the flash off!” Louis chastised Jay, who only giggled in reply and left the room again.</p><p>Two days later, as Harry and Louis were getting ready to go to Harry’s parents to spend some time with them too, Jay handed him a copy of the photo she took.</p><p>Harry smiles, the ache in his heart dulled by the warmth from the memory. He wonders for a moment how Jay feels about everything, if she hates him as much as he imagines she does. He wouldn’t blame her, but he hopes he can earn her trust back. She was always such a safety island for him, bringing Harry into the family instantly, not a judging bone in her body.</p><p>He puts the photo back as he thinks how much he screwed that relationship up too.</p><p>The customary sense of loathing does make an appearance then. Harry feels a tug pulling at his heartstrings, a voice in his head telling him to go drink from the bottle of vodka he knows he has.</p><p>Suddenly his body has too much energy and he can’t be in bed anymore. He jumps out and makes his way towards the kitchen. Before he can start opening cabinets though, the reality of what he’s about to do hits him. Harry steadies himself against the counter and takes several deep breaths.</p><p>He can’t go back to handling things like he did after the divorce. It was self-destructive and pitiful and he can’t fall back into that mindset. It’s been ten years.</p><p>His hands are shaking and he feels the frustration bubbling up in his chest. So he opens the fridge, finds the strawberry ice-cream he loves, takes a spoon and goes back to his room.</p><p>Without dwelling on it too much, he closes the box and puts it carefully under his bed, putting an end to tonight’s exploitations of the past. Harry feels mentally exhausted.</p><p>He puts an episode of That 70s Show to play on his computer and sits back on the bed, deciding to call it an early night. His limbs feel heavy with emotional tiredness and his best option is to succumb to it.</p><p>His phone has no new notification from Louis, so he puts it on airplane mode and makes himself comfortable with his ice-cream. It’s the healthier copying mechanism he has right now, and he might as well start getting used to it with a possible rejection from Louis coming soon. Maybe he can start running in the mornings again, too.</p><p>Harry is annoyed with himself, and he can feel himself frowning. He doesn’t know what he expected when he decided to try and work things out with Louis again, anyways. He knew the other man wouldn’t just smile and let things go back to how they used to be. Harry’s heart needs to get in tune with his head and let things work out by themselves.</p><p>Besides, what’s even the point of being anxious about this? He’s lived without Louis for the past ten years.</p><p>Harry sighs, trying to tune back to with whatever Eric is going on about on the screen. He will be fine either way. He has to be.</p><p> </p><p>Harry has to wait another two days before he gets anything from Louis. It’s a simple hi that he got almost an hour ago but didn’t see, too busy recording the new segment he’s working on for his tv show.</p><p>His heartbeat picks up and he has to hold himself back from spiraling out of control over two letters. He sends a text back: a greeting and an explanation about how he was working.</p><p>Harry’s grateful that only a minute later Louis asks if he can call, or else he wouldn’t be able to control the pessimistic thoughts forming in head. In the moment, his fingers move on their own accord and next thing he knows, he’s dialing Louis’ number.</p><p>“Harry?” Louis greets from the other side, and Harry can hear him moving around.</p><p>“Yes. Hi, Lou. Busy?” He asks, smacking himself mentally for being too eager.</p><p>“Oh, no. I just wasn’t expecting the call. Thought you were still working.”</p><p>“I just finished.” Harry forces himself to stay seated instead of pacing around his trailer, “so, how are you?”</p><p>“Fine, fine,” Louis sounds distracted, but Harry will take any opportunity to hear him talk. “I’m not working today, so I’m just doing some cleaning, might go grocery shopping later. You?”</p><p>“Fine, too. Good day on set.” He explains lamely.</p><p>The silence stretches a little bit. Harry can hear a door close and then there’s silence on the other side of the line.</p><p>Harry clears his throat, “you wanted to talk to me?”</p><p>“I did. I do.” Louis rushes out. He sounds nervous, and knowing that he’s not the only one affected by the circumstances makes Harry feel somewhat better. “It’s just that I thought about our last conversation a lot and I realized I’ve missed you too.”</p><p>Harry’s heart might beat out of his chest. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah. So, I was thinking maybe you’d want to watch a movie with me on Sunday?”</p><p>Harry can’t help the soft laugh that comes out of his mouth at that, smiling at the roof of his trailer. “I really want to.” </p><p>Louis chuckles on his end. “Okay, then it’s a date.”</p><p>“It’s a date.” Harry repeats happily back to him. “What time should I pick you up?”</p><p>“Three thirty-ish? I saw a lot of sessions around four and I have to work early on Monday so it can’t be too late.”</p><p>“I’ll be there.” </p><p>“Okay. See you.”</p><p>Harry can imagine the soft smile on Louis’ features even though he can’t see it. He feels warmer and lighter than he’s felt in so long.</p><p>“Bye, Lou.” He says softly, before hanging up and staring at his phone incredulously.</p><p>Louis gave him a proper second chance. He won’t fuck it up this time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. October 2009</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hi, love. How was your trip?” Louis stands on his toes to peck Harry’s lips in greeting.</p><p>“It was good.” Harry drops his keys on the bowl by the door. “Exhausting, but good.”</p><p>“Yeah? I wanna hear all about it, big shot.”</p><p>Harry hooks his hand on the back of Louis’ neck, rubbing with his thumb soothingly as they watch each other quietly for a second, “I missed you.”</p><p>Louis smiles softly at him.</p><p>“I missed you too.” He did. He’s glad Harry’s back home, the apartment feels lonely without his presence and sleep doesn’t come as easy for Louis without Harry on the bed.</p><p>Harry drops his hands. “I’ll go take a hot shower.”</p><p>“Yeah, you kind of stink,” Louis agrees playfully and steps back, letting Harry make his way inside. “I’ll join you there in a minute?”</p><p>“Please!” Harry replies, closing the bathroom door behind him.</p><p>Louis shakes his head fondly, taking Harry’s luggage with him as he goes back into the kitchen to turn off the stove and uses the opportunity to get laundry out of the way so they can enjoy tomorrow without worrying about much.</p><p>Louis is proud of Harry for doing so well in his career. It all started with an internship assisting a screenwriter from a small comedy show. Soon, everyone on the writers’ table noticed Harry’s unique pitches and started including him, until he eventually got offered a job to join them when one of them took maternity leave. Now he got moved to writing for a bigger comedy show, which meant frequent trips to LA, where all the big names in the business were. It was a huge deal for Harry. He really was making his way up.</p><p>Louis’ heart could burst with pride. So, even though he feels like half of him is missing when Harry’s gone, he sucks it up. He cannot "not" be supportive of his husband’s growing career. They got married because they make each other better, no hold backs.</p><p>Louis takes the dirty laundry bag from inside the baggage, and goes through the items to filter out any light or white clothes. He takes a pair of dark jeans, a black suit pants and a red and blue button-down shirt, which should look ridiculous but Harry makes it work, like he usually does with his odd taste. Then, at the very bottom he finds a pair of black boxer briefs and a bra.</p><p>A red bra covered in rose patterned lace.</p><p>Oh my god.</p><p>Louis stares numbly at it for a while, until the shower running startles him out of it.</p><p>He automatically puts everything in the washing machine, fills it with soap and fabric softener and starts a new cycle. He grabs the bra again.</p><p>Louis is suddenly overcome by guilt, like he’s doing something wrong finding it.</p><p>Mostly, he feels gross.</p><p>Louis takes a few shuddering breaths and goes to their room. He leaves Harry’s suitcase at the foot of the bed, without bothering to unpack the rest of his things. He sits on the bed, holding the bra, and blinks back a few tears. He hopes he’s overreacting and this will all be a silly mistake.</p><p>After a few minutes, the water is turned off and he can hear Harry moving about in the bathroom before opening the door.</p><p>“Baby, why didn’t you –”, Harry stops himself. Louis looks up and Harry is staring at the bra in his hands. “Louis, I can explain.”</p><p>Louis feels the tears he’s been holding fill his eyes.</p><p>“Can you?” His voice wobbles and he hates himself for it.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>Louis laughs wetly at that. “You’re sorry? That’s all you have?”</p><p>“I – I don’t know what else to say.” Harry sounds defeated, and Louis gets angry at that.</p><p>How dare he act like he’s the one saddened right now?</p><p>Louis stands up and holds the bra out to Harry.</p><p>“How about you tell me what the fuck did you do? How long has this been going on?”</p><p>Harry takes a step closer to him and he takes a step back. He hits the bed and Harry gets the message, doesn’t try getting closer again. A tear falls down Harry’s cheek.</p><p>“How dare you cry right now? I’m the one who’s hurting!” Louis shouts, freely crying at this point. He throws the bra at Harry. “C’mon, tell me, I deserve to know.”</p><p>“Not long, it was only a few times. It was a mistake.”</p><p>Louis can’t help the sob that comes out of his mouth. He hugs himself tightly.</p><p>“A few times? That’s not a mistake! That’s a whole affair.”</p><p>Harry tries to come closer again.</p><p>“Louis, I –”.</p><p>“Get out.” Louis tries giving Harry his best glare. He doesn’t deserve to see Louis sad and broken.</p><p>“What?” Harry asks incredulous.</p><p>“I said ‘get out’!” Louis screams, “Get out!”</p><p>“Lou, baby, c’mon, we can talk about it.” Harry sounds frenetic, full on crying too.</p><p>“Get out! Get out!” Louis keeps yelling until Harry stops trying to convince him to talk.</p><p>“Okay! I’m going!” Harry holds his hands up and Louis goes quiet. The only sound around them is his ragged breathing for a few seconds.</p><p>“I’m going,” Harry adds softly. “I’ll just grab the bag and put some clothes on, and I’ll go.”</p><p>He opens some drawers, puts on clothes and throws some others in the still half-packed luggage on the floor. Louis remains frozen in place through it, watching Harry’s movements.</p><p>Once Harry’s done, he extends his arms towards Louis, who flinches. Harry sighs and lets his arm fall down by his side.</p><p>“I’ll lock the door behind me.” He says before walking out of their room with his things.</p><p>Louis stays unmoving until he hears the front door lock. Only then he lets himself cry again.</p><p> </p><p>Louis wakes up the next day with someone banging on his door, completely disorientated. He jumps out of bed and goes straight for it without second thoughts.</p><p>“What?” He asks curtly, squinting at the light coming from outside. He recognizes Zayn at his door, “what are you doing here?”</p><p>“Harry asked for me to check up on you,” Zayn pushes himself past Louis to walk inside his apartment.</p><p>Louis can feel anger simmering just below his skin already and he has been awake for less than a minute. “Oh, did he now?”</p><p>He makes his way towards the kitchen to make something to drink. He can hear Zayn following him, and only after the coffee is brewing does Louis turn towards him.</p><p>Zayn looks utterly confused and slightly offended at Louis’ mood. Louis sighs resignedly.</p><p>“What happened?” Zayn asks worriedly.</p><p>“We’re getting divorced.” Louis says with such finality, even he believes it. With how much he’s hurting right now, it does seem like the logical next step. Louis can’t imagine a day he’ll let Harry close enough for them to go on with their marriage.</p><p>For as much as Louis thought about it last night, the idea still makes his chest physically hurt. Louis can feel the sting behind his eyes indicating he will start crying again. The throbbing in his head that dulled with sleep comes back sharp, as it was the night before.</p><p>Zayn encompasses him in a hug, softly holding Louis’ head against his chest and playing with his hair.</p><p>“Where is this coming from, Lou?” He asks quietly, letting Louis wet his shirt with tears.</p><p>“He was –” Louis lets out a sob. Saying it out loud will make things more real, and he’s reluctant to do it. It’s hard to admit his failure as a husband, his and Harry’s failure as a couple.</p><p>Zayn remains patient, combing through Louis’ hair as he sniffles.</p><p>“He was having an affair.” Louis finally whispers. He can feel Zayn’s sharp intake of breath and the hand on his head momentarily stops moving. There’s a moment of stillness before Louis’ sobs come back in full force.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Lou. That asshole. You don’t deserve that.”</p><p>And god, yeah, Louis knows he doesn’t. That makes him feel worse about the whole situation. He can’t help feeling like at least part of this is his fault, even if he doesn’t want to be that cliché partner who thinks they drove their husband towards cheating.</p><p>So he just lets himself be hugged by his best friend, crying his hurt out even after the coffee is done and has probably gone cold. Zayn eventually stirs him to the bedroom, laying him on the bed as he dehydrates himself until he is just dry heaving.</p><p>When he finally manages to calm down and his breathing goes steady, Zayn asks quietly, “are you sure you wanna get a divorce?”</p><p>“No,” Louis whispers back, hoping that keeping things hushed will help with avoiding another mental breakdown from him.</p><p>“Are you going to anyways?”</p><p>Louis sighs. “I can’t imagine trusting him enough to share a bed with him again.”</p><p>“You have a spare room.” Zayn suggests.</p><p>It pisses Louis off. He pushes Zayn away and sits up, barely managing to keep his voice down. “And be what, Zayn? One of those straight couples who grow to hate each other but don’t have the guts to get divorced?”</p><p>Zayn takes a deep breath, clearly not wanting to bite into Louis’ fight.</p><p>“No, that’s not what I meant,” Zayn’s tone is placating. “I’m with you, whatever you decide. I’m just telling you to think about it so you don’t have any regrets.”</p><p>Louis closes his eyes, willing himself not to go back into the crying cycle he’s been living in for the past sixteen hours. He inhales then exhales before he drops his body back down, cuddling into Zayn again.</p><p>“I’m sorry. My mood is all over the place.” He speaks into Zayn’s wet shirt, caring more about the comfort than about the grossness of his tears and snot everywhere.</p><p>Zayn starts playing with his hair again soothingly. “It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize.”</p><p>Zayn lets Louis stay there for another half an hour before forcing his friend to shower and eat.</p><p> </p><p>Today is the third time they’re seeing each other since Louis found out about the cheating.</p><p>The first one, three days after the incident, Harry went over to try and explain things to Louis. He really wasn’t ready for it, so it led to shouting and, eventually, Louis storming out to give Harry some time to pack more things to take with him wherever he was staying.</p><p>The second time wasn’t any better. A week after the first one, Louis invited Harry over to tell him to officially move out and to ask where he was staying so he could send the divorce papers. Bringing divorce up made Harry cry hysterically, begging Louis not to do that. It broke Louis’ heart, but not as much as the cheating did, so he stood his ground.</p><p>As a whole, both encounters only made Louis worse. His sanity is hanging on by a thread at this point, and he wonders how long it will take for things to get better…if they ever will.</p><p>The stuff people always say, about how time heals everything, better be true.</p><p>Knowing Harry and Louis would be celebrating their five years anniversary if it wasn’t for the shitshow of their breakup, Zayn made sure to find something for Louis to do on the date. Which is how he found himself getting dragged to a Halloween game night of a friend’s friend. Louis’ not sure how the connection went, and he didn’t care to ask much about it.</p><p>That was a huge mistake, apparently.</p><p>He really wasn’t counting on one of the hosts being friends with Gemma, who decided to bring her brother along to distract him from his “nasty breakup”. If that’s how she wants to call it, it’s fine by Louis.</p><p>It’s not fine, though, to see his not-yet-ex-husband on their fifth anniversary in a place that was supposed to be a diversion from his self-destructive thoughts.</p><p>Louis excuses himself to the balcony to get a grip on his emotions and realizes his second mistake of the night too late. He looks up when the door opens again and Harry steps out to join him.</p><p>They don’t say anything, and Louis doesn’t dare look Harry in the face.</p><p>Having Harry here makes Louis’ heart ache for what they could have been doing. Him and Harry had talked about throwing a small party in their apartment, even mentioned it to some friends so they wouldn’t make other plans. Louis had been dead set on convincing Harry to let him make his hair extra curly to be the Sandy to his Danny.</p><p>Louis has never been so grateful for his lack of advanced preparation, because this time, it meant he didn’t actually start on their costumes before everything went down. It sure would be another shit show of tears if he had to face the costumes they wouldn’t wear together.</p><p>He wishes he could be celebrating half a decade together with his husband, wearing their cheesy matching outfits proudly. But he knows wishing it is not enough. If he decided to let Harry back in, to pretend things were fine and that he could get over the sting of betrayal seated in his heart, things wouldn’t be the same. They wouldn’t be like he desires them to be.</p><p>The lack of trust between them throws Louis off so strongly, when it once was a given base of their relationship. He knows they won’t work without it, and Louis can’t think of a way to recover that faith in Harry.</p><p>The silence stretches, long and awkward. Louis keeps looking down the street, afraid of what he’ll see on Harry’s face if he turns around. Afraid of what will show on his face, feeling vulnerable in the moment.</p><p>Harry’s the first one to break the quiet.</p><p>“Hey, Lou. How have you been?” He asks softly.</p><p>Louis rolls his eyes, defense walls coming up immediately at the simple questions. He feels an inexplicable annoyance at it. “Just peachy.”</p><p>Harry sighs, and it sounds tired, frustrated. Louis doesn’t need to look over to know he’s anxiously playing with his hair.</p><p>“Louis. Please.”</p><p>“Please what, Harry?” Louis keeps his tone clipped. </p><p>“How can I fix this?” Harry’s question is almost begging. And worst of all, it sounds so sincere. Louis hates him.</p><p>He takes a deep breath and makes himself look at Harry for the first time since he’s walked out of the living room. He can only hope his face doesn’t betray him. He has been betrayed enough.</p><p>“Can you go back in time and not cheat on me?” Louis decides to go for mocking.</p><p>“What type of question is that?” Harry replies defensively, crossing his arms in front of his chest and furrowing his brows.</p><p>Louis keeps pushing.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “the type of question you make when you find out your husband’s been cheating on you.”</p><p>There’s silence between them both. Louis raises his eyebrows challengingly, hoping Harry will take the bait. Anger is an easier feeling to deal with than all the hurt that’s been consuming him from inside out.</p><p>Harry doesn’t, though. He averts his eyes, sadness now back on his expression.</p><p>“We can talk this out,” He says simply, “I’ll earn your trust back.”</p><p>Louis huffs, head shaking at the delusion. “No, Harry. Talking won’t make me trust you again. Ever. Just let it go.”</p><p>The worst thing is that Louis genuinely believes those words. He never would’ve imagined they’d end up like this.</p><p>A minute of silence goes by before Harry speaks again.</p><p>“It’s our anniversary, Lou.”</p><p>Louis shakes his head automatically, denying the affirmation. “It’s not. It would be if we were still together.”</p><p>As a wave of emotion hits him at the thought, though that he closes his eyes and takes a steading deep breath. He won’t ever cry in front of Harry again. He won’t show how weak he is.</p><p>When Louis glances back up at Harry, he looks like he just lost a fight. The worst type of surrender paints his face. Louis swallows down the guilt that threatens to come up.</p><p>He needs to remind himself: this situation is not your fault.</p><p>“I’ll go home. You and Zayn stay.” Harry says, and before Louis can reply, he’s back inside.</p><p>The interaction makes Louis feel bitter. He resents the fact Harry keeps asking understanding of him and it makes him feel guilty to push Harry away. It’s unfair that Harry gave up on their marriage so quickly and Louis keeps feeling rejected and worthless as Harry walks out of his life.</p><p>But then again, that one is probably Louis’ fault. Harry walked out months ago, when he decided Louis wasn’t good enough for him. He’s just too late to catch up, delayed by his naivete of never thinking Harry could break the bond they had. He should’ve been smarter. He should be stronger.</p><p>Louis feels his hands shaking so he hides them in his jacket’s pockets. He hears the balcony door opening again, and this time it is Zayn. He wordlessly stops next to Louis and hands a beer to him, which Louis gladly accepts, taking a long pull.</p><p>He makes a decision then. Next year, he will volunteer to take a double shift at the hospital on Halloween.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. June 2019</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis and Harry have been doing a great job at ignoring the huge elephant in the room whenever they go out.</p><p>It’s been a month since Louis asked Harry to the movies and they’ve been on a few dates. At this point, Harry hoped he could think they were properly dating. But he can’t, due to two issues.</p><p>One, the dates feels a bit like high school. They’ve been great, really. Super fun. Louis is as amazing as Harry remembers him to be, or maybe even more now that he’s grown into a wonderful man. He’s just the right amount of cheeky, and it’s greatly mixed with his kind, soft heart. But sometimes, when the flirting goes a bit farther than usual, when Harry feels that maybe he could kiss Louis and invite him home, Louis pulls away. The hot and cold is driving Harry insane, and it definitely makes their relationship feels stagnated, when they should be redeveloping their intimacy.</p><p>But Harry doesn’t really blame Louis for holding back. Harry’s pretty sure the wariness and reluctance is connected to problem number two: they haven’t talked about the reasoning behind their split-up yet.</p><p>As much as Louis made sure to let Harry know, from the beginning, that his past mistake was not forgiven and forgotten yet, they haven’t sat down to talk things through and fix what is broken between them. Harry understands why they need to do it before they can go any further with their relationship.</p><p>But every date has been so much fun, it never feels like the right time to look at Louis and say <em>hey, let’s talk about that time I had an affair and broke your trust to the point you filed for a divorce?</em></p><p>Sometimes Harry truly hates past-him for the shit he pulled.</p><p>So now, when Louis opens the door to his house looking anxious, Harry feels both relieved and terrified. It’s clear that Louis wants to have a serious discussion today, and there’s really only one topic that could bring that kind of mood over them.</p><p>Harry sits on a stool by the kitchen island quietly, watching as Louis brews some coffee for them. The silence is more awkward than comfortable at this point, but Harry figures it’s best to let Louis start the conversation on his own terms.</p><p>Louis finally places a mug in front of him and clears his throat.</p><p>“We need to talk.” He looks at Harry expectantly but doesn’t offer anything else.</p><p>“We do,” Harry agrees easily, “want to start?”</p><p>Louis nods, “I wish I got closure back then.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“I just,” he stammers a bit before taking a deep breath to calm himself down, “I’ll go straight to the point. Why?”</p><p>Harry doesn’t pretend that the question doesn’t make sense. He knows what Louis is talking about. He just wasn’t ready for it to be a conversation starter. It renders him speechless for a few seconds, which prompts Louis to change the question.</p><p>“Did you stop loving me?”</p><p>“No, Louis. No. I swear, I didn’t,” Harry rushes to explain, because Louis thinking Harry didn’t love him is the worst thing that could happen. “It was… complicated.”</p><p>Louis snorts, “un-complicate it.”</p><p>Harry sighs. There’s no getting out of it anymore, it’s been too long. He might as well just tell the honest truth.</p><p>“I was too weak to fight against the pressure from my coworkers. They didn’t understand why I wore a wedding ring but never talked about my wife, so it became a joke around the office that I faked a marriage so I wouldn’t get hit on.” Harry pauses, knowing that there’s no going back after admitting to everything, but he has to go on.</p><p>He exhales slowly, “they started to play with me when we went on trips, trying to goad me into getting a number at the bar, leaving me alone when a woman came around. One of those times, I met Lydia. I drank too much that night and don’t really remember much besides waking up the next day on her bed.”</p><p>Harry was looking down at his hands playing with the coffee mug through the story, but a sniffle makes him pause and look up. Louis is looking at him, tears falling down his face and dripping from his chin. He’s holding himself stoically on his bench, not breaking eye contact when Harry watches him.</p><p>The sadness and regret fill Harry up until he’s chocking on it, and he can feel his own waterworks building behind his eyes.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Lou…” he whispers, offering a hand up for Louis to hold onto.</p><p>Louis doesn’t accept it, but he takes in a shaking breath and offers Harry an encouraging half-smile. “Go on, please. I want to know everything.”</p><p>“When we went to LA again and they started pressuring me to hook up with women at the bar, I told them I couldn’t because I was going out with Lydia. And I did. I thought it was the lesser evil.” Harry can’t help but laugh humorlessly at his own stupidity. “It made sense at the time.”</p><p>When he finishes, he lets the silence cover them, letting both men absorb all the information that’s out in the open. Harry wonders for a moment if this was the right thing to do. Maybe reopening the wound like this won’t help it heal. He wishes he wasn’t hurting Louis all over again by coming clean with what happened.</p><p>“I want to hate you for all of this,” Louis almost whispers, and the admission feels like a dagger going straight to his heart. He knew it already, has consciously known all these years, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less to have Louis say it.</p><p>“I know.” Harry frowns, wiping his own tears, not sure what to say to make it all better. But he has to try. “Listen, Louis, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I promise I won’t hurt you like that again. I know I’m asking a lot from you, but can you trust me?”</p><p>Louis groans, like that question alone wounds him. Harry can relate.</p><p>“Yes,” Louis says but hesitates before continuing, “I mean, I’m trying. I want to trust you. I don’t want to live the rest of my life in hatred and resentment. I already regret a lot from back then.”</p><p>What could Louis regret when Harry was the sole culprit in the situation?</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Getting the divorce so quickly and not taking time to work on us is the biggest one,” Louis shrugs, tries to play off what he says, but Harry can see the insecurity and culpability in his face. It’s not something he thought he would see.</p><p>“Don’t.” Harry genuinely can’t believe Louis found a way to blame himself to some extent, “you were only reacting to something awful I did to you.”</p><p>Louis raises his brows challengingly, “are you telling me you never resented me, even a little bit, for just cutting you out of my life like that?”</p><p>Harry almost laughs at the question.</p><p>“Sure. I hated you for it, even. I thought it was unfair for a while,” Harry rolls his eyes at himself. He was so emotionally immature back then. “But when the pain from losing you stopped being so sharp in my chest all the time, I understood it, because I imagine you felt worse when you found out about…her. There’s no way I look at it now without sympathizing with the way you reacted. I don’t think I would’ve stayed if the roles were reversed.”</p><p>Louis sighs and then wordlessly takes their mugs to put in the sink, filling them with water before turning back to Harry. They watch each other for a second, and Harry wishes he was still good at reading all of Louis’ moods. Maybe then, he’d have a clue about what Louis is thinking now.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me everything,” Louis says softly.</p><p>“You don’t have to thank me for that.”</p><p>“Okay. I’ll ask you more questions later if I feel like I need it.”</p><p>“Whatever you need.” And it’s true. Harry hates this, but if Louis needs it, he will talk until he loses his voice.</p><p>Louis smiles at him. It’s not a huge happy gesture, but it’s good for the situation. Harry was expecting to be kicked out again after that conversation, having to beg Louis to stay again.</p><p>“Wanna move to the couch?” Louis asks, walking towards the living room.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry follows him, “sounds good.”</p><p>Harry sits down at the opposite end of the couch that Louis did, to give him enough space in case he needs it.</p><p>When no one says anything for a while and Harry’s phone insistently buzzes, he decides there’s no harm to check if it’s something urgent. He reads over the notifications with a huff, before putting him phone on airplane mode.</p><p>Louis watches him interestedly. “Everything okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, the group-chat with my mom and sisters went crazy for a while but I don’t think it was anything important. They talk too much in it.”</p><p>Louis smiles fondly at that, “I miss them. How are they?”</p><p>Harry takes the opportunity to change the subject into safer territory. He relaxes his body against the couch, “fine. Same as always, I reckon. Liz found her biological dad recently, it threw mom out for a loop. But she’s getting used to the new family member.”</p><p>“Oh?” Louis looks truly surprised, “and you’re fine with that?”</p><p>Harry shrugs. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? Liz is happy. William, her dad, is really cool, actually. It’s nice to have him around in family reunions.”</p><p>“That’s good then.” Louis looks like he wants to say more, but refrains. He fumbles with the TV remote, looking pensive, and Harry lets him for a while.</p><p>When it’s clear Louis won’t bring up any other topic of discussion, Harry figures he should approach the talk about their relationship status carefully before he can back out from it.</p><p>He clears his throat, “since they came up, I kind of mentioned us to them. Is that alright?”</p><p>If Louis is surprised, he hides it well. “What did you say?”</p><p>“Just that we’ve been reconnecting...” Harry really is trying to play it cool for Louis’ sake, but Louis can probably read through him.</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to assume anything,” Harry elaborates, “so I avoided saying we are dating.”</p><p>That gets more of Louis’ attention. He raises an eyebrow. “Are we?”</p><p>“Dating? I hope so. Aren’t we?”</p><p>“I’d say we are cautiously dating.” Louis says, and even though the tone is somewhat playful, Harry can hear the trepidation in it. </p><p>Harry snorts, “cautiously dating,” he mocks.</p><p>“Yes, Mr. Styles,” Louis jokes right back at him. “You will have to work for the ‘officially dating’ title.”</p><p>“Okay, Mr. Tomlinson,” Harry agrees easily. He knows they have more work to do between them, “does cautiously dating allow me to invite you to the 4th of July barbecue at Liz’s?”</p><p>Louis wrinkles his nose at that. “Aren’t we moving a bit too fast? It’s too early for me to meet the family.”</p><p>“We already know each other’s families,” Harry points out stubbornly.</p><p>“Harry,” Louis chastises. “I’m not saying ‘no’ forever. Just not yet. Let’s find our footing first.”</p><p>Harry looks at him and sees that Louis looks exhausted. He’s probably ten times more emotionally drained from their talk than Harry is, and Harry feels pretty tired.</p><p>It makes him deflate. He knew he was at risk of asking too much too quickly, but he can’t help it, wanting everything with Louis again. He wants to prove to him they will work this time around. But he needs to be more considerate, to stop pushing.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right,” he resigns, opting to throw his arm on the back of the couch, inviting Louis to sit closer.</p><p>It works and he lets himself relax against the heat of Louis’ body next to his. He needs to be patient. This is enough for now. It’s more than he deserves, he reckons.</p><p>“Enough heavy topics for today, please,” Louis solicits. “I’m tired.”</p><p>Harry nods and Louis turns the TV on, selecting the Netflix logo, “what do you wanna watch?”</p><p>“Modern Family?”</p><p> </p><p>It turns out Louis really was right. They need to slowly easy their families into the idea of them being together again before re-meeting them.</p><p>Almost three weeks later, things have been going really well. Bringing light into their past did wonders to lift the weight that rested on their shoulders, making it much easier for Louis to properly open up to Harry again.</p><p>Harry finally spends the night with Louis and he soaks in the high of knowing Louis still wants him and that they are both still so compatible. They fell back together almost as if they’ve been doing it all those years, and Harry hasn’t felt this sated in a really long time.</p><p>He smiles to himself as he puts his boxers and shirt back on and makes his way to the kitchen. He can hear Louis’ shower running and starts on breakfast so they can eat when Louis gets out of it. It feels like a domestic routine Harry could easily get used to again.</p><p>He starts looking around to grab everything he needs to make them both omelets, but before he can get to it, the doorbell rings and Louis shouts for Harry to get it. He complies easily, was going to answer the door anyways. He opens it to find a smiling Lottie, whose face immediately pinches in anger as she sees who opens the door for her.</p><p>“Harry? What the fuck?”</p><p>Harry was definitely not prepared for that, and part of him wants to close the door and pretend he never saw Lottie. But it’s too late for it now.</p><p>“Hi, Lottie. Yeah, C’mon in.” He gestures inside, stepping aside to let her walk into the house.</p><p>Lottie’s rage turns into disbelief as she watches him.</p><p>“Louis is in the shower.” He explains calmly, afraid to say anything to turn this into a fight. “He should be out soon. I’m making breakfast if you want any?”</p><p>Lottie makes an affronted noise, “no, thanks.”</p><p>She watches as he makes his way back into the kitchen, standing by the door with her arms crossed in front of her. Harry tries his best to ignore the scrutiny, thankful for the items of clothing he put back on when he woke up. He takes a couple of extra eggs to make some more omelets, just in case, and gets to work silently, figuring Lottie won’t be very receptive to idle chatting.</p><p>Harry wonders if Louis hasn’t told Lottie about them, maybe foreseeing a bad reaction from her. She genuinely looks put-off by seeing Harry in her brother’s house, with all the indicators of them being romantically involved.</p><p>A few minutes later, just as he is about the plate the food, Louis gets out of the bathroom.</p><p>“Oh!” Louis seems just as surprised as Harry by her visit, which is oddly reassuring. “Hey, Lots, what’s up?”</p><p>Louis kisses her on the cheek quickly before looking at Harry, trying to gauge the situation. Harry gives him a half-hearted shrug, not sure how to proceed in this circumstance.</p><p>Lottie doesn’t reply, narrowed eyes watching Louis as he makes his way to Harry.</p><p>“Morning, love,” Louis kisses his shoulder softly before whispering, “wanna go put more clothes on?”</p><p>Harry nods gratefully. “Yeah, be right back.”</p><p>He slips from the kitchen as fast and quietly as he can, sitting on Louis’ bed for a minute to give Lottie and Louis some space before he finds the pair of jeans he wore yesterday.</p><p>It’s hard to tell if Lottie is trying to be subtle. She lowers her voice but not enough for Harry not to be able to hear through the walls of the house. She is viciously reprimanding Louis with things like <em>I can’t believe you were serious about getting back together with him</em>, <em>this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done</em> and, the worst one, <em>he’s only going to hurt you again</em>.</p><p>Harry distinctively wants to curl into a ball, maybe hide under Louis’ covers until she’s gone.</p><p>Things were going so well. This will probably be a huge step back for them. And as much as Harry’s imagined that Louis’ family must have a lot of resentment in regards to his past actions, it hurts to hear their anger directed towards him.</p><p>The worst part is that everything she’s saying makes sense. It’s very reasonable for her to be feeling how she is.</p><p>Harry takes a few calming breaths to steady himself. He knows where Lottie is coming from, and it’s better for him to face her now, maybe have another one of those hard conversations he wishes he didn’t need to have. It’s entirely his fault, anyways. He has to face his mistakes head on.</p><p>He gives himself an extra second fixing his hair in front of the mirror by Louis’ closet and then walks back out of the room, this time properly dressed. When he gets to the kitchen, Louis is leaning against the counter, watching Lottie as she paces and talks with a tired look on his face.</p><p>Lottie doesn’t seem to realize Harry came back. She doesn’t pause in her musings, but Louis does. His eyes go wide for a second, and Harry wonders if maybe Louis didn’t realize he could hear all that Lottie is saying.</p><p>“Lottie,” Louis almost shouts, making her stop and look at him in shock. When the kitchen is quiet again, Louis sighs, rubbing his face, annoyed. “While I appreciate your worry, I’m an adult, who can make my own life choices. You don’t know enough about my relationship with Harry to be giving me a lecture.”</p><p>She tries to respond but Louis holds a hand up, signaling he’s not done. She pulls a face at him but doesn’t speak.</p><p>“And you’re being rude. If you can’t calm down and sit with us to have breakfast amicably, then I suggest you come back another time.”</p><p>She huffs, looking offended at being asked to leave. Louis was polite but he was firm, and Harry’s chest is warm knowing Louis is defending him, defending them. He schools his face so it doesn’t show, though, in fear it will only strain his relationship with Lottie even further.</p><p>“Fine,” she concedes eventually, “I won’t intrude on your free time anymore, I can see that you already have plans.”</p><p>“I do,” Louis agrees decisively.</p><p>Lottie takes a deep breath and looks at Harry properly for the first time since she arrived. Harry shuffles on his feet, aware of her attention on him.</p><p>He doesn’t expect an honest sounding “I’m sorry, Harry” to come from her, but it does.</p><p>“No harm done.” he replies, still a bit shocked with the outcome.</p><p>“Call me later, Lou.” she solicits before awkwardly waving to Louis and leaving quietly, closing the door behind her and leaving Louis and Harry alone again.</p><p>Before Harry can try to react, Louis is putting the omelets on two plates and walking past Harry towards the living room.</p><p>“Grab the cutlery, will you, H?”</p><p>He does, joining Louis on the couch easily. Harry sits against the arm, fitting his foot under Louis’ thighs for warmth. Louis turns on the news channel and they eat in silence for a while.</p><p>“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Louis asks eventually. </p><p>“Not really,” Harry plays it off as best as he can. He won’t take offense on against Lottie’s reaction, but he’s worried it might change things for Louis. He attentively watches Louis. “That’s exactly the type of protective reaction one can expect from Lottie.”</p><p>Louis shrugs easily, “true.”</p><p>That calms Harry down a bit. Louis doesn’t seem to be taking Lottie’s warnings to heart, and he seems keen on keeping their dynamic.</p><p>“You were right, you know?” Harry asks after putting down their plates and relaxing against the couch.</p><p>“I usually am,” Louis jokes, fitting himself between the back of the couch and Harry. “What about, this time?”</p><p>Harry starts playing with Louis’ hair once his head is settled on his chest, “having to slowly reintroduce each other to our families.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. But I think we’re over the worst of it from my side now,” Louis turns his face to watch Harry a bit. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Harry dismisses. “My side will be easier than that. Liz always stood up for you.”</p><p>Louis laughs at that. “I knew there was a reason Melissa was my favorite.”</p><p>“Heeeeeey,” Harry tries to protest indignantly, but can’t hold back a smile from forming on his face. “I’m your favorite.”</p><p>Louis just laughs again, pressing his nose against Harry’s chest to hide it.</p><p>“Maybe you are.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. August – September 2009</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis gets home after a long shift and groans frustratedly when he is faced with a dark and silent space. He hates how lifeless their place is without Harry’s presence.</p><p>He looks at the clock and sees it’s almost 8pm already, so Harry should be calling soon for their nightly phone call; only two more to go before he has his husband back sleeping in the same bed as him.</p><p>He takes a quick shower with the door open, in case Harry calls while he is in there. Harry usually calls their landline.</p><p>But he finishes washing off, dresses in cozy pajamas and burrows himself in bed without any sign from Harry. He checks his cellphone for any texts or missed calls, but finds nothing.</p><p>Louis busies himself with a book but, almost two hours later, his eyes start drooping and soon he realizes he won’t be able to wait for Harry much longer. It’s been a long day.</p><p>He has half a mind to worry that something might have happened, but hospitals usually call pretty quickly when a new patient arrives. If they don’t call him, they’ll call Anne and she will surely let him know if there was anything wrong. No, Harry probably had to stay late or go out to dinner with his boss. It’s fine.</p><p>Louis sends Harry a text message wishing him goodnight and puts his cellphone away. He checks if the landline is hooked properly on the bedside table before he goes to sleep, hoping that Harry will call him tomorrow.</p><p>Only two more days to go.</p><p> </p><p>Louis tried to wait up for Harry but, again, he must’ve fallen asleep at some point. The long hours at the hospital are really running him dry. He wakes up to a weight on the other side of the mattress and a set of arms circling his waist, hugging him close.</p><p>“Hey, love,” he greets, voice cracking from sleep, as he turns around to face Harry.</p><p>When they are face to face, Harry brings him even closer, fitting his face against Louis’ neck and breathing in deeply.</p><p>“Missed you,” he murmurs against Louis’ skin, making the older man melt.</p><p>Louis brings a hand up to caress the long hair, digging his nails into the scalp in a way he knows Harry likes, “missed you too.”</p><p>Harry’s breathe hitches for a second, but before Louis can ask what’s wrong, Harry has him on his back and kisses him fervently.</p><p>It takes Louis a few seconds to reciprocate, sleep-addled brain caught by surprise with the suddenness of it all. Harry usually greets Louis and then immediately passes out for eight hours when he comes back from business trips.</p><p>The kiss is urgent and dire. Harry wastes no time coaxing Louis’ mouth open and starts kissing deep. Louis doesn’t resist, lets Harry take control of the situation, enjoying having the intimacy back after not seeing each other for over a week.</p><p>Harry adjusts their position so their crotches are aligned and he ruts against Louis, making him break the kiss to moan.</p><p>“What got you so desperate?”</p><p>“Missed you so much,” Harry pants as he grinds more forcefully against Louis. “I love you so much.”</p><p>Louis lets out a breathy laugh. Well, this is new, but he’s not complaining.</p><p>His mind finally shakes off the residues of sleep from it as he starts tugging Harry’s shirt up. Harry gets the message and sits back on his heels, throwing the shirt on the floor easily. Louis mirrors his movements before he lets Harry press him down against the bed. He tugs Louis’ pants down, leaving Louis to kick them away as he hovers over Louis again.</p><p>He kisses down Louis’ neck as his hand finds Louis’ dick, stroking leisurely, not really aiming to get him off yet. Louis’ breathe catches on in his throat and he groans appreciatively, leaning his head to the side so Harry has better access to his neck.</p><p>Louis brings his hands up to fumbles with Harry’s jeans, trying to get a hand around him too, but Harry stops him. Before Louis can object, Harry mumbles against his skin, “let me take care of you first.”</p><p>Louis finds himself nodding his assent, letting his arms fall back down on the bed. It’s not like he was going to say no to Harry giving him an orgasm.</p><p>Harry slowly makes his way down Louis’ body, leaving behind a wet trail of kisses and red skin from nibbling on his flesh until he’s situated on his stomach between Louis’ legs.</p><p>One of Louis’ hands immediately rest on his curls, more to have something to hold on to than anything else. He watches as Harry looks up at him with a smirk and licks his lips.</p><p>Louis moans and closes his eyes, his hips twitching with the effort of not thrusting up on Harry’s hold, “H, I’m not gonna last long.”</p><p>“Already?” Harry is watching him curiously, clearly smug. Louis would definitely hit him for it if Harry wasn’t about to put his mouth on Louis’ dick.</p><p>“Shut up,” he whines, rutting his hips up in order to get Harry moving faster. It doesn’t work, so he sighs frustratedly. “I didn’t get off all week, alright?”</p><p>That freezes Harry, “really?”</p><p>He sounds dumb-founded. Louis groans again, “c’mon, H, please.”</p><p>Harry breaks out of his stupor and tightens his holds on Louis. He doesn’t wait any longer as he starts licking at the head, making Louis squirm against the sheets.</p><p>When he finally takes him into his mouth and sucks, Louis’ fingers automatically pull on Harry’s hair. He tries to musters up an apology, but Harry moans around his cock and takes him deeper, using less of his hand with each bob of head, and Louis forgets about it.</p><p>All it takes for him to be done is to feel himself hitting the back of Harry’s throat and hear the other man gag softly. He frantically pulls Harry’s head up till only the tip of his dick is resting against his lips and Harry gets the message. He starts pulling at Louis roughly and opens his mouth, looking straight at Louis.</p><p>Louis swears and lets his head fall back, his toes curling as the orgasm washes over him. His takes in gulps of air to calm down his rabbeting heart and absently notices Harry moving away from him. Louis reaches out to him, still breathless, but Harry shakes his head in return.</p><p>“What?” Louis asks, confused, and when his eyes manage to focus on Harry’s face, he is biting his lips, eyes watering in a way that’s more than just blowjob wet.</p><p>Harry drops his body down on Louis and hugs him close, effectively trapping him against his chest.</p><p>“Harry, what –” Louis tries again, still puzzled by Harry’s behavior, but is stopped by a sob coming from Harry.</p><p>Harry is shaking, out of breath as he cries against Louis, holding him even tighter, like he’s afraid to let go for some reason. Louis can feel Harry’s erection, which was previously poking his upper thigh, flagging. He has no idea what’s going on. He resorts to trying to calm down so he can take care of Harry as best as he can.</p><p>He brings a hand up to massage Harry’s back in a soothing up and down gesture and he whispers, “shh, darling, it’s okay, you’re okay.”</p><p>They stay like that for a few minutes, Louis trying to mutter assurances to his husband as the man cries himself out, until he’s quietly hiccupping in his breaths.</p><p>“What happened, H?” Louis dares to ask when he thinks Harry is controlled enough.</p><p>“Sorry about the breakdown,” he says instead of answering the question, but Louis doesn’t think he can let the subject drop just yet. He will never be able to bring it up again if he loses the opportunity now.</p><p>“No need to apologize, but please tell me what’s wrong? Did you not want to blow me? We didn’t have to have sex, H.”</p><p>“I wanted it, I wanted it, I promise,” he rushes to assure Louis.</p><p>Quiet settles around them when Harry doesn’t elaborate, only burrowing his face deeper into Louis’ chest, curling up against him and making himself smaller.</p><p>After another minute goes by, he finally speaks.</p><p>“This week was rough with my colleagues, and I couldn’t come home to you. It was just a lot. It’s alright, though; nothing that some cuddles and a good night of sleep can’t cure.”</p><p>Louis hums, not really believing everything is fine. This reaction was a lot, something he’s never seen from Harry. There’s more to the story, but Louis decides not to push right now.</p><p>He wishes he could make things easier for Harry somehow, but his hands are tied. There’s nothing either of them can do about their situation. Harry doesn’t think it’s safe to come out to his colleagues and, even if he did, Louis can't just put his job aside to follow Harry along on his trips.</p><p>They will figure out a good routine and healthy ways to cope with everything soon enough. It’s just a new dynamic. Last week was only Harry’s third work trip, his first long one.</p><p>“Alright, I’m here if you need me, yeah?” Louis replies softly. He waits for Harry’s nod before pulling away a bit. “Turn around so I can spoon you, and we can sleep as late as we want to tomorrow.”</p><p>Harry smiles and Louis’ heart rests easier at the sign that his husband is doing a bit better. Harry kisses him slowly, before turning around and waiting for Louis to mold himself against his back.</p><p>“Night, Lou, I love you,” Harry whispers to the room.</p><p>“I love you too, H.” Louis replies. He makes himself comfortable, fitting his head between Harry’s shoulder blades. He listens for the sounds of Harry’s breathing; slowing down until he hears the low snoring sounds that indicate he’s deep asleep.</p><p>Louis stays awake a while longer, thinking back to the weird night. He wonders if maybe this is accumulated stress. Maybe Louis should’ve seen the signs that the trips were taking a toll on Harry, that his relationship with his coworkers isn’t good. He will start paying closer attention.</p><p> </p><p>A month later, Harry has a new trip for work. He’s anxious about it in a way Louis hasn’t seen before but it seems appropriate now, given the episode of his last return.</p><p>The night before he needs to leave, Harry barely sleeps, consequently keeping Louis awake too.</p><p>Louis feels utterly helpless. He wishes he could make things easier for his husband, somehow, but he’s not even sure he understands the depth of what’s wrong.</p><p>It doesn’t help that Harry has started to pull away from him a little bit. His thoughts drift sometimes and Louis can’t follow him wherever he goes in his mind. There hasn’t been a repeated occurrence during sex ever since, and that’s the only thing that keeps Louis sane and not imagining a million terrible scenarios in his head.</p><p>But Harry is clearly working through something Louis is not privy to.</p><p>They kiss each other goodbye deeply, Harry holding him for a little too long before letting him go with a dejected sigh.</p><p>“At least it’s only three days this time around,” Louis tries comforting the man who is still holding his hand.</p><p>“I’ll be back before we know it,” Harry replies, and Louis feels it’s more for himself than anything.</p><p>Louis brings Harry’s hand up to his face and snuggles against it, “I love you. Be safe.”</p><p>“I love you,” Harry kisses him quickly one last time before taking his hand back and grabbing his baggage. The taxi car is already waiting for him downstairs.</p><p>Louis watches until he can’t see Harry on the building’s stairs anymore and only then closes the door behind him. He takes a deep breath, heart feeling heavy at seeing Harry go. And this time it’s not the usual 'I will miss him' sadness, it’s the knowledge that Harry’s going somewhere he doesn’t want to be.</p><p>At least this time Louis will be prepared for whatever Harry throws at him when he comes back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. September 2019</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry is at a bar with his coworkers, but he sticks with his two favorites, not really wanting to mingle and make polite conversation with everyone else. They found out recently their show was renewed for a second season, so happy hours have been a frequent activity amongst employees.</p><p>Nick is going on about a story about whatever. John is laughing at him when Harry’s phone vibrates and he decides to check it.</p><p>It’s from Louis.</p><p>
  <em>You coming over tonight?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m buying stuff to make tacos</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taco <strike>Tue</strike> Thursday :D </em>
</p><p>Harry smiles at his phone and gets teased by Nick. “Oh, look who’s got a crush!”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“Who is it? Do tell.”</p><p>Harry rolls his eyes, typing back to Louis: <em>will you still be up in a few hours? I’m out with some people from work</em></p><p>“C’mon Harry,” John intervenes. “You’ve been making heart eyes at your phone for at least a month now. Is it the same woman?”</p><p>Harry looks up at them and sees their hopeful faces. He sighs, resigned. But, he doesn’t offer more information than what they directly asked. “Yeah, it’s the same person.”</p><p>Nick groans. “Could you possibly be more secretive, Harry?”</p><p>“I could, actually,” Harry laughs and shakes his head. “Fine; it’s an ex from before I met you guys. We’re trying to make it work again.”</p><p>Nick raises his eyebrows. Harry can tell he wants to mention the fact Harry didn’t specify a gender, or that he left out a lot of the story there, but he settles on, “that’s brave.”</p><p>Harry is grateful for Nick’s discretion at a time like this.</p><p>John doesn’t seem to have caught on but still looks worried. “Just remember there’s a reason why you two broke up in the first place, eh?”</p><p>Harry squirms in his seat a bit. He doesn’t really want to have this talk right now, but okay.</p><p>“It’s not like that,” he explains. “I actually fucked up big time back then. It’s a miracle that I’m getting a second chance.”</p><p>Nick snorts and John makes an understanding sound.</p><p>“Well then, curly,” Nick probably pities him if he’s changing topics easily now. “Good luck winning them back.”</p><p>“Yeah, thanks,” he smiles gratefully at Nick before checking if Louis said anything else.</p><p>He did.</p><p>
  <em>You don’t have to come, H! but I will be up later, no rush</em>
</p><p>“Please don’t sext with us around,” John jokes. Harry mock-glares him.</p><p>
  <em>But I want your tacos now :( </em>
</p><p>
  <em>See you later baby x</em>
</p><p>He makes sure to add a heart emoji in a different message, so it’s obnoxiously big, before he puts his phone away. “Alright, you guys have my full attention once again!”</p><p> </p><p>It’s only two hours later that Harry walks into Louis’ house. He knocked but, there was no reply. He tried the handle and found the door unlocked. It’s dangerous and Harry should reprimand him for it, mainly because if Louis didn’t manage to wait up for him and fell asleep, anyone could walk in.</p><p>“Louis?” He calls out and then sees Louis jump out on the couch before relaxing again when he recognizes Harry.</p><p>“Hey,” he attempts a smile, but Harry can tell it’s not genuine and it confuses him greatly. Louis seemed fine by text message.</p><p>“What’s up?” He sits down next to the other man, kissing him quickly before nuzzling into his neck, making himself comfortable on the couch as whatever Louis is watching plays on the TV.</p><p>“Nothing much. How was your night?”</p><p>“Good, good. The usual. Nick kept disappearing to chat people up. I ended up spending most of the night with John.”</p><p>Louis hums. “I’ll go get the food for us.”</p><p>He stands up quite abruptly and retreats into the kitchen. Harry follows him, puzzled. The house is quiet, the air feels slightly awkward and Louis doesn’t really look at Harry as he concentrates way too hard on fixing the tacos.</p><p>“Louis, please, what happened?” He asks, out of his depth in with the situation he walked into a minute ago.</p><p>“Nothing,” Louis doesn’t budge as he plates everything. It’s frustrating.</p><p>Harry scoffs is annoyance. “C’mon, Lou, don’t be like that.”</p><p>Louis takes a deep breath. He looks pained when he says, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>He’s sorry? Harry really is missing something here.</p><p>“What for, honey?”</p><p>Louis pushes the plate towards Harry on the kitchen table before leaning against the sink, shrinking on himself.</p><p>“My mind went there,” he whispers, looking down on his hands.</p><p>That doesn’t mean much to Harry. His brain is trying to make the connection to understand what Louis is trying to say. There where? He wonders. He stares at Louis, confusedly for a minute, watching Louis squirm under his gaze.</p><p>Then it hits him. It was the cheating. The coworkers, who Louis doesn’t personally know, the bar…the possibility existed. The implications of what Louis is saying hurt, even though Harry can understand where he’s coming from.</p><p>His throat is dry and his stomach churns. Harry regrets the few drinks before coming over.</p><p>“I promise I didn’t do anything.”</p><p>Louis looks up wide eyes and nods urgently, lifting his hands up in a placating matter.</p><p>“I believe you. I do. I’m sorry, I’m just being insecure.”</p><p>And hearing that sucks. Louis shouldn’t be insecure over Harry going to his job’s happy hour for heaven’s sake. Harry curses himself for breaking Louis’ trust to the point it haunts them ten years later.</p><p>He looks at Louis and he sees apprehension in his eyes, making Harry feel so bad about the situation. He exhales deeply and gets himself together.</p><p>“It’s fine,” he opens his arms, inviting Louis for a hug. “We’ll be fine.”</p><p>Louis fits himself between Harry’s arms and allows himself be held. Harry is immensely grateful for it. They are getting better, slowly. This is a temporary phase. He believes what he said: they will be fine.</p><p>“How about this,” Harry tucks his finger under Louis’ chin so they are looking at each other as they talk. “How about we host a dinner for Nick, John and John’s wife next week?”</p><p>Louis furrows his brows and tries to pull away, but Harry tightens the arm he has around Louis so he doesn’t.</p><p>“You’ll like them,” Harry guarantees.</p><p>“You don’t have to –,” Louis starts, but his protest dies as Harry shushes him.</p><p>“I told them about you today already.”</p><p>Harry should feel offended about how utterly shocked Louis looks at that, but he tries not to take it to heart.</p><p>“They know about me?” Louis asks skeptically.</p><p>“Well, kind of,” Harry decides to elaborate on the statement. “They both know I’m dating someone. Nick caught on to the fact I didn’t gender you purposefully. John didn’t, but he’s a very open-minded guy, it will be fine.”</p><p>Louis huffs, still reluctant, “You don’t have to come out for me.”</p><p>Of course Louis would see it that way. But it’s more than that. Harry needs to come out for himself. It’s about time Nick and John crossed the line from good colleagues to actual friends. He needs to trust them, to trust himself and to trust his relationship with Louis enough to be open about it, to maybe show Louis off.</p><p>He feels a bit stupid for not thinking about introducing Louis to at least Niall before. He can’t afford making mistakes like this anymore.</p><p>Harry kisses the tip of Louis’ nose fondly and gives him a reassuring smile. “I’m doing it for me.”</p><p>Whatever Louis sees on Harry’s face seems convincing, because he nods seriously in response.</p><p>“Okay, I’d like that, then.” he says before stepping out of Harry’s hold and turning towards the fridge. “Lemonade?”</p><p> </p><p>Harry’s phone buzzes on the counter.</p><p>“Hey, can you check that for me, babes?” he asks Louis with a smile.</p><p>Louis and Harry have been increasingly more comfortable around each other, falling into a good, almost domestic routine when they’re together. Introducing Nick and John to Louis and being able to talk about work lightly around him lifted another weight from their shoulders. It’s perceptible how much difference that made, and Harry is extremely happy about it. It really feels like Louis and he are finally managing to work themselves out in a way that’s long-term.</p><p>“Sure,” Louis types in his password as he dictates it and opens the message app. “Nialler says <em>hey h, finally made bday plans… boys night @ my flat, 7pm next Friday, bring louis</em>.”</p><p>“Can you make it next Friday?”</p><p>Louis grins at him. “I can, actually.”</p><p>“Then reply with an affirmative, please?” Harry answers happily.</p><p>Louis does before he puts his phone down. “So, is this the infamous Niall?”</p><p>Unfortunately, Louis hasn’t met Niall yet as destiny just didn’t seem to want the encounter to happen yet, making all their attempted outings fail somehow.</p><p>Niall has been Harry’s closest friend for years now, friendship developing into a nice brotherhood he wouldn’t change for the world. They have more than enough stories of each other being embarrassing and a lot of understanding between the two.</p><p>For as good and beneficial to their relationship that it was, Harry can’t believe Louis ended up meeting Nick and John before Niall. The other man was actually pretty pissed about that, which led to him adding Louis on social media because “I’ll be the first to become friends on Facebook with him” and Louis was asking more about him, which is why his title, to Louis, is infamous.</p><p>Harry puts the burgers on the pan to fry, then covers them. “Yep.”</p><p>“And what’s ‘boys’ night’?” He asks, making the little quotation marks with his fingers.</p><p>Harry scrunches his nose. “Normally it’s just a few guys who worked with Niall and me, from, you know, when we worked together, going out to a pub to watch whatever sports game might be playing that day and drink beers.”</p><p>“Sounds very manly,” Louis teases him.</p><p>“It’s very. Us men take our masculinity very seriously.” Harry nods solemnly as a joke, before returning his attention to the stove, flipping the burgers.</p><p>Louis laughs. “Well, last I checked, you drank the sweetest grossest drink from the menu.”</p><p>“That was old me. Pass me the buns, please?” Harry asks, pointing to a cabinet by Louis’ head. “The new Harry drinks very manly drinks, like mojitos and piña coladas.”</p><p>Louis laughs at that. “I guess that’s better than a sex on the beach. You did improve in the past decade!”</p><p>“Shut up,” Harry slaps him on the thighs before finishing their burgers. “Take the burgers to the table? I’ll grab us beers.”</p><p>“Tonight, we drink like proper men!” Louis shouts as he follows Harry’s instructions.</p><p>Harry laughs as he takes two beers and opens them before sitting down next to Louis.</p><p>He watches as Louis takes his first bite and can’t help the proud grin from spreading across his face as Louis closes his eyes and moans.</p><p>“This tastes amazing, H.” he says even though he’s still chewing.</p><p>“Told you,” Harry shrugs cockily. He’s allowed to be smug about this. “Everyone loves my burger recipe.”</p><p>Louis rolls his eyes but there’s no bite to it. “Show off. But I won’t hold it against you if you keep feeding me like this.”</p><p>“Whenever you want, baby.”</p><p>They eat in relative silence, making offhanded comments about the food or the songs that are playing on the radio.</p><p>“Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” Harry asks, realizing him and Louis didn’t really plan to spend the day tomorrow together and he has the day off.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, actually,” Louis takes a sip of his beer before continuing, “I promised Zayn I’d see an exposition with him and we’re probably gonna make a night of it after with pizza or something. We haven’t hung out in a while, with both our relationships and work and life, you know?”</p><p>Harry nods in understanding, “Yeah, I know. That’s cool.”</p><p>Zayn is a topic they really haven’t breeched yet. Sure, Louis mentions him absently in conversation sometimes, but they don’t talk about the fact Harry knows Zayn, or that he is one of the few people still around who lived through Harry’s and Louis’ divorce.</p><p>But at any rate, Harry has always liked Zayn. He still must be the most amazing friend to Louis if they are still close after so many years. What’s there for Harry not to like?</p><p>“Why did you ask? Did you wanna do something?” Louis questions him.</p><p>“Oh, no, not specifically,” if things worked how Harry wishes they did, he’d spend the day in bed with Louis. But Louis needs to socialize with his friends, so he will be fine on his own. “How’s Zayn, by the way?”</p><p>Louis’ eyes shine at the inquiry, clearly happy to talk about Zayn. Harry loves Louis’ passion towards the people he cherishes. It’s truly beautiful to see.</p><p>“Good. He’s working in a fancy nursing home, and he really loves it. It’s not as loud and hectic as a hospital environment and he loves talking to elderly people. He’s always telling me the best stories from them.”</p><p>Louis looks so fond and proud.</p><p>It really does seem like a great fit for Zayn. If Harry closes his eyes, he could picture him indulging an old lady in conversation about her grandchildren as he goes through her care routine.</p><p>Harry can’t help it but be contaminated by his excitement. He can feel it breaking through his face. “I can totally see that. He’s generally very patient and calm.”</p><p>“Yeah, exactly!” Louis agrees cheerfully, “I can’t imagine working in a nursing home, I'd miss the hustle of hospitals too much. But it’s a great fit for him.”</p><p>“You know, to be honest,” Harry hopes what he’s about to say doesn’t sound weird to Louis. “Zayn is one of the people I’m most scared of meeting again.”</p><p>It does take Louis by surprise, “really?”</p><p>Harry blushes a bit in embarrassment of his admission “Yeah, I imagine it would go as bad as it did with Lottie.”</p><p>Louis laughs, but it is not mean. “That’s funny, I’ll tell him that. But you’re very wrong. He knows me too well to think I’m being stupidly impulsive. He understands how I’m feeling.”</p><p>Now that takes Harry by surprise. He didn’t expect someone as protective and loyal as Zayn to be understanding about Louis getting back together with an ex who cheated on him, no matter how much better Harry has been this time around.</p><p>“Alright, that’s good. Now I don’t have to be scared about running into him or something,” he jokes.</p><p>Louis snorts. “No, you’re good. I’d even invite you with us tomorrow but I really miss him.”</p><p>“I wasn’t trying to invite myself!” Harry protests. He really wasn’t, and it’s a bit rude if it came across like that.</p><p>“I know, I know,” Louis reassures him amusedly. “I’m just saying. When his girlfriend is back in town, we can organize a double date or something though.”</p><p>That sounds fantastic. Louis is making his way through meeting Harry’s friends, so it’s only fair Harry gets reacquainted with Zayn. They’d end up running into the same circle eventually, anyways.</p><p>“I’d like that, yeah,” he accepts easily as it’s the truth.</p><p>“Okay, that’s settled. We’re meeting all the friends.”</p><p>Harry smiles at the remark, warmth spreading through his chest. They really got to that stage of their relationship where there are no more hidden parts of their lives from each other due to lack of intimacy or seriousness between them.</p><p>Harry’s officially living through his second chance, and he won’t mess it up this time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. August - October 2007</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis sits down on their newly acquired, second-hand couch. He had to spend hours cleaning it, then leaving it to dry and air out by the window for a couple of days, but now it’s in really good shape; nothing that a throw blanket and a few pillows wouldn’t fix. Having to improve their furniture because they couldn’t afford to buy new ones was the price to live together by themselves, and Louis is more than willing to pay it.</p><p>He can hear Harry talking to his mom in their bedroom and he smiles. They have been together for almost three years at this point, and it has been basically perfect. Louis graduated from university a few months ago and his internship at the hospital became a full-time job. As he started looking for a new flat closer to work and for a new roommate, Harry got his own internship and they decided to move in together somewhere in between both of their jobs.</p><p>They are making everything work surprisingly well. Not to say that Louis is expecting it to stay like that when Harry is studying for finals or when Louis needs to pull double shifts at the hospital, but it doesn’t seem like it will be the end of the world. Louis is confident in their relationship.</p><p>He guesses Harry feels the same way, if the non-subtle remarks about marriage he keeps making are anything to go by.</p><p>When Harry started bringing the topic up about a month ago, it scared Louis. They are so young and marriage is such a long-term commitment. But then again, so is signing a two-year lease together. At this point, he’s pretty sure they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together.</p><p>Ultimately, Louis wants the whole family ordeal – a wedding, a house with a backyard, kids and pets. Even though Harry still has two years of university to go and Louis isn’t sure he would be ready to talk about marriage half-way through his degree, Harry doesn’t seem to feel that way.</p><p>By now, Louis figures there’s no harm in indulging Harry when he brings the topic up; an agreement on yellow flower arrangements, a comment on not inviting his homophobic uncle, laughing about how their moms will definitely cry when they walk their baby boys down the aisle. It feels right to talk about it with Harry and to let himself daydream.</p><p>Louis startles when Harry appears in front of him, apparently done talking to Anne.</p><p>“Louis, weren’t you supposed to be cleaning our shelves so we can finally unpack our box of books and CDs?” Harry calls him out, tone teasing.</p><p>“Sorry,” Louis isn’t really, but he did take responsibility for that task. “I’ll do it now.”</p><p>Harry holds out a hand to him and pulls him up, pecking him quickly. “It will go faster with an extra set of hands.”</p><p>Harry gets a wet flannel and turns towards the shelves, so Louis heads for the boxes to take everything out. They start working in a comfortable sequence of Louis handing the right things to whichever part Harry finishes cleaning, and then coming back to organize the titles by alphabetical order.</p><p>When Harry’s done, he sits down on the floor to keep Louis’ company.</p><p>“I can’t wait till our kids are old enough so we can have them to do chores for us,” he remarks easily.</p><p>It takes Louis by surprise and he can’t help it the laugh that escapes his mouth. “Harry! We aren’t going to abuse our children.”</p><p>“It’s not abuse! It teaches them responsibility,” he says seriously.</p><p>For a second, Louis believes he’s serious. He turns around to stare indignantly at Harry and finds him trying not to laugh. Asshole.</p><p>Louis rolls his eyes. “It doesn’t teach them shit if we don’t do it as well.”</p><p>Harry ends up chuckling at that, false resolve fading. “Alright, I’ll share chores with our kids. I’ll supervise, or something.”</p><p>“You’re so full of it.” Louis shakes his head, going back to organizing the last stack of books.</p><p>The silence lasts only a few seconds.</p><p>“How many kids do you want?” Louis asks, deciding to indulge the topic.</p><p>Harry sounds delighted at that, if not a bit surprised, “a few. Maybe three, like in my family.”</p><p>“Hopefully not triplets; we’d go crazy.” Louis jokes. “But yeah, three is a good number.”</p><p>“We have to get married first, though. I’m very traditional.”</p><p>Louis snorts. “Are you now?”</p><p>“Uhum,” Harry nods his head solemnly. Louis drops down on the floor with him, sitting on his lap and resting his arms around Harry’s neck.</p><p>“Are we waiting till our honeymoon to consummate the marriage too?” he whispers teasingly against Harry’s ear.</p><p>Harry adjusts himself under him and grabs his waist. “Of course, Mr. Tomlinson, who do you take me for?”</p><p>Louis kisses across his jaw, stopping near his mouth. “You’re the most proper lady in the whole State of New York.”</p><p>“In the whole United States of America.”</p><p>Louis lets out a chuckle and kisses the corner of Harry’s mouth in apology. “Sorry; my mistake.”</p><p>Harry leans back, putting some distance between them and stopping Louis ministrations even though he doesn’t let his grip on Louis’ waist go. He looks Louis straight in the eye and Louis can see the mirth in them.</p><p>“Where are you taking me on our honeymoon?” He asks conversationally, “I wanna be deflowered in a special place.”</p><p>Louis’ body tries to laugh and snort at the same time, leading to a coughing fit that ends with him resting his head against Harry’s shoulder. Harry giggles at his own antics and Louis’ reaction to it.</p><p>“Oh my god, Harry.”</p><p>“C’mon, play along,” he nudges Louis.</p><p>Alright, Louis can do that. His big dream would be the beach on a nice resort, sunbathing and swimming together with no schedule. Ideally it would be in a place like the Caribbean, but they’ll probably only be able to afford Florida.</p><p>He settles for, “anywhere calm and warm, so we can just be for a few days.”</p><p>Harry makes an agreeing sound. “I wanna go to Jamaica.”</p><p>“Did you win the lottery today?”</p><p>Harry slaps his bum in retaliation to the sarcastic retort, making Louis jump and let out an undignified yelp. Louis glares at him, earning a self-satisfied grin in return.</p><p>“I said play along, not buzzkill. You are losing sexy privileges,” Harry warns him.</p><p>“I thought you were staying pure for our wedding night?”</p><p>Harry circles his arms around Louis’ back and brings him closer on his lap so there’s barely any space between their bodies. Louis tilts his head down so their mouths are almost aligned and waits for Harry to decide what’s next.</p><p>Harry lets out a long breath, “I won’t tell if you don’t,” before kissing Louis.</p><p> </p><p>Soon enough, autumn is well underway. Harry and Louis are celebrating three years together, with plans of forever more than consolidated between them.</p><p>It’s already 8pm when Louis walks into their home on Halloween. He didn’t manage to get out of a long day shift but Harry had agreed on a simple dinner as celebration for their anniversary this year.</p><p>Louis closes the door softly behind him before taking off this jacket and shoes. Harry is singing along to Hey There Delilah playing on the radio, so Louis follows his voice to their room. His content smile drops in surprise when he finds Harry putting on a suit.</p><p>Louis is sure ‘a simple dinner’ does not entail wearing a suit. He was totally going to wear jeans.</p><p>“Harry, what’s this? Why are you wearing a suit?”</p><p>“Because we’re celebrating,” Harry replies in a tone that indicates it’s supposed to be an obvious answer, pointing to an outfit laid on the bed. “You’ll be wearing one too.”</p><p>Louis notices his black trousers and fancy button down carefully arranged on top of the covers. It looks like Harry ironed. What the fuck.</p><p>“I thought we agreed not to leave the house tonight,” he argues.</p><p>“Don’t worry, that’s still the plan.” Harry smiles charmingly and takes Louis’ hand in his, bringing the knuckles up to his mouth for a gentle kiss. He winks at Louis and gives his hand back, while Louis watches him unamused. “You have half an hour to get ready.”</p><p>Louis lets out a breath, accepting that he will be doing whatever Harry wants eventually. He’s such a pushover.</p><p>“Alright,” he concedes, “I’ll just take a quick shower to wash the hospital grime off.”</p><p>When Louis is ready, he calls out for Harry. He gets reply from the kitchen, so he makes his way there.</p><p>For the second time tonight, Louis is surprised. He freezes at the entrance as soon as he spots their small dining table is decorated like something out of a movie, with a bouquet of red roses and delicate china he doesn’t know where or how Harry got.</p><p>“Harry,” Louis whispers, breathless at Harry’s actions.</p><p>Harry comes around and kisses him gently, dropping a hand to his waist and pulling him close. They break apart after a minute, Harry not letting Louis deepen their kiss.</p><p>“You look wonderful,” he says, eyeing Louis in awe.</p><p>It makes Louis’ heart stutter for a second and he blushes, “so do you.”</p><p>“Happy anniversary.”</p><p>“Happy anniversary.”</p><p>The ‘I love you’s go unsaid, but Louis can hear them crystal clear in the air.</p><p>Harry leads him to the table with a hand on his arm and pulls a chair back for Louis to sit. Once Louis is accommodated, he takes the plates from the kitchen counter, putting one in front of Louis and the other directly across from him.</p><p>Louis watches quietly as Harry seats himself in front of him and grabs a bottle of wine to serve them both.</p><p>Harry catches him looking and smiles softly, then clears his throat and raises his wine glass in Louis’ direction, “to many more anniversaries together.”</p><p>Louis couldn’t keep the grin off his face if he tried, repeating the toast back to Harry. They clink their glasses and take their respective sips before turning to the food.</p><p>When they start eating, the chatter flows easily between them. Louis gets comfortable in the familiarity, in a way Louis is rarely with anyone besides Harry.</p><p>They lose themselves a bit in their conversation, and next time Louis properly looks down, he notices their plates have been empty for a while. Harry seems to notice it at the same time, because he stands up and takes the dishes, waving off Louis’ offer to help.</p><p>Louis watches Harry as he puts the dishes in the sink and covers them in water. He looks good. His suit is simple black, much like Louis’ own, but it fits so well on his frame. Louis is hit again with how beautifully Harry is aging, going from a lanky teenager to a nicely built man in the three years they’ve known each other. It makes Louis excited to watch Harry evolve for many more years to come, if everything works out.</p><p>He zones out a bit, but soon Harry comes back with what looks like chocolate cake and two forks, setting them in the middle of the table. Then, right next to it, Harry places a little box. It looks ordinary, and when Louis shakes it, it makes no sound. “I have your present in our room, can I get it before we exchange?”</p><p>“You can give it to me later,” Harry claims, sounding both excited and anxious if Louis is rightfully interpreting the tremor in his voice. It makes Louis reconsider arguing.</p><p>“Alright,” he accepts.</p><p>Louis carefully takes the lid off of the box and there’s a ring, a simple silver band, stuck on the very bottom. Louis freezes, realizing what it means.</p><p>Before he can react, Harry is dropping to his knees besides Louis.</p><p>“Louis,” he starts before taking a deep breath. “You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever known and I’ve admired you from the day we first met. You’re caring and loving. You’re kind in so many ways, it leaves me breathless. It’s truly a privilege to have you in my life and be able to call you mine. Every day that goes by I get surer that I don’t want to ever let that go. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to share everything with you, hoping that maybe I can make you as happy as you make me. I love you. I love you so much. And I selfishly want you to spend your life loving me too.”</p><p>Louis takes in a shaky breath but it does little to control the tears slipping from his eyes. He is so overwhelmed. He can’t believe Harry loves him like this, that this is their life.</p><p>Harry reaches into the box and takes the ring out, holding it up to Louis.</p><p>“Louis William Tomlinson, will you marry me?”</p><p>Louis laughs softly through his tears. Things don’t feel real right now. All he can do is nod his head and hold out his hand so Harry can slip the ring on his finger.</p><p>Harry is smiling incredibly bright at him, eyes looking incriminatory wet too.</p><p>“I love you so much,” Louis manages to get out, before leaning down to grab Harry’s face and kiss him.</p><p>Louis pulls back quickly, though, not managing to keep the laughter inside. He’s just so happy. Harry laughs too and reaches up to clean his tears.</p><p>“Oh my god, I must look terrible. Why did you make me cry?” He complains jokingly.</p><p>Harry watches him with so much adoration that Louis almost squirms on his seat. Harry shakes his head. “You’ve never looked so beautiful.”</p><p>Louis is still smiling, and maybe his cheeks will hurt after tonight. It would be a good reminder of how good he feels, though he doubts he will leave the high for a while. It feels like he might stay on cloud nine forever.</p><p>He stands up, holding a hand out to Harry to help him get on his feet too. Then he grabs the cake and one fork, walking to the living room.</p><p>“C’mon, we can share the dessert on the couch, fiancé.” he stresses the title joyfully and motions for Harry to follow him.</p><p>Harry sits down first and Louis makes himself comfortable plastered to his side. Harry takes the fork from him, scooping some cake and offering it to Louis.</p><p>He feels silly, letting Harry feed them both, but it’s good. They are stupidly grinning at each other and talking non-sense. But he figures they can be silly tonight. Or maybe they can be silly together forever.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. December 2019 – May 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s Christmas Eve and Harry is following Louis’ lead from the train station to his mother’s house. The weather is cold but the sun is shining, so they decided to brave the twenty-minute walk that will probably take almost half an hour by how slow they’re going.</p><p>They spent an hour in bed before getting ready to go out, enjoying the lazy morning of soft touches and kisses, just like Louis asked. Harry had half a mind to do something more important for Louis’ birthday, but they would be celebrating with his family anyways.</p><p>Harry watches the houses they pass by, mostly colored by holiday decorations. He knows the quiet is bothering Louis a little bit, but it’s hard to get out of his head and make conversation.</p><p>He can’t stop his brain from playing all the possible scenarios of how today will go, specifically stuck on the bad ones. Sure, he’s seen Jay once ever since Louis and he got together. And Lottie has come a long way, not as constantly skeptical of Harry’s presence anymore. But Harry knows there’s still a long way to go. He’s got a lot to prove to them all.</p><p>“Harry you sure you’re okay?” Louis asks and Harry is instantly made aware of his anxiety trespassing from his head to the outside world. He has to consciously hold himself back from taking his clammy hand out of its hold with Louis’ to dry it on his pants, but he manages.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” he starts replying absently, but stops when Louis gives him a look that says <em>I don’t believe that for a second</em>, “I’m just nervous, I guess?”</p><p>“It will probably be overwhelming,” Louis rubs his thumb against Harry’s knuckles sympathetically, “but I promise it’s going to be fine.”</p><p>That makes a smile come out of him. “You can’t really promise that.”</p><p>“I can!” Louis argues, pretending to be affronted for a second. “You’ve been re-acquainted with four sisters of mine and my mom. At this point you’ve run out of people who could possibly dislike you.”</p><p>“Except I haven’t seen them together yet; they were acting cool before because they were waiting for the chance to gang up on me.”</p><p>That startles a laugh out of Louis. The sight of him tipping his head back, eyes crinkling in delight, makes Harry’s heart soar. He can’t help chuckling along with Louis, even though his fears are very real and valid. Louis isn’t worried because he will most certainly enjoy watching them gang up on Harry. He’s an asshole like that. Harry loves him.</p><p>“I’m serious!” He whines just for show, when Louis’ giggles start subsiding.</p><p>“I’m sure you are, love,” he sounds amused as he brings Harry’s hand up to his lips and kisses it. “But I’ll side with you if they do that, alright?”</p><p>Harry’s heart grows twice its size, fluttering against his chest. How can Louis make him feel like this after so many years of knowing each other? Harry’s a 33-year-old grown man at this point in his life. He shouldn’t be getting heart palpitations like a school boy.</p><p>Or maybe he should. Maybe that’s what makes what he has with Louis so special.</p><p>He’s sure the love is showing on his face because Louis’ expression goes soft and they stare at each other for a few seconds.</p><p>“Thanks,” Harry breaks eye contact and looks down the street. He realizes they’re just a few houses away from Louis’ already.</p><p>He takes a deep breath as Louis knocks on the door but doesn’t have any more time to collect himself before the door opens and multiple voices are greeting them both simultaneously. They are ushered inside and made to take off their coats, then led to the living room.</p><p>It turns out Harry didn’t have to worry too much. There was no ganging up on him from Louis’ family at all and it didn’t seem like there would be.</p><p>Sure, Lottie and Fizzy were still a bit wary around him and Jay was more polite than warm, but it was fine. It was the best he could expect, truly.</p><p>And most importantly, Louis is <em>happy</em>.</p><p>Harry lets himself relax completely.</p><p>He is talking about school with the younger twins, listening as they tell a tale of the day one of their friends had to go to the principal’s office for starting a food fight in the cafeteria. Doris and Ernest are the biggest proof of how much he’s missed, given that they were babies who couldn’t even form sentences when Louis and he divorced.</p><p>But right now, he can’t really be sad about it. He’s in awe of their growth and incredibly flattered by the possibility of seeing how they will turn into teenagers soon, and then proper adults. He plans on being there for it.</p><p>A commotion gets his attention and he sees Lottie and Louis loudly arguing over something, but they’re both laughing and it’s clearly playful. Harry can’t help but smile.</p><p>He turns back to Doris, who’s going on about wanting to play soccer in summer now. Harry reckons she’s the biggest Louis minion out of all the siblings, which means she’s probably the closest thing to what Louis’ and Harry’s kids will be like.</p><p>That’s a thought. He should file it for later. A couple of years from now at least.</p><p>“Louis and I can help you choose a cool pair of cleats, yeah?”</p><p>“I want purple ones!” She says excitedly, “but mom said only after tryouts in case I don’t get in.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, darling, you will!” Louis intervenes, dropping down next to Harry and reaching out to mess her hair a bit, “we can practice some when it’s warmer out.”</p><p>Doris answers with an excited noise, before jumping on both of them, “thank you, Lou!”</p><p>Harry laughs at her thrill. It seems like Louis’ support and approval is so important to her. It’s too sweet. </p><p>“Ernie, Doris, come here for a sec, loves!” Jay shouts from the kitchen, getting the kids even more agitated. They run out in a fit of giggles.</p><p>Harry looks at Louis for explanation. The other man has a fond look on his face as he watches people trail out of the living room.</p><p>“It’s time for the surprise birthday cake,” he explains, leaning into Harry’s space.</p><p>“Oh,” Harry nods mock-serious, “a surprise you definitely know nothing about.”</p><p>“Exactly,” he presses a quick kiss to Harry’s mouth before standing up and holding a hand out for him. “C’mon, it’s time for you to discreetly take me to the kitchen for a drink or something.”</p><p>“<em>Discreetly</em>. Alright,” he takes the offered hand before raising his voice, “Lou, help me find my phone? I think I might’ve left it in the kitchen.”</p><p>“Sure,” Louis replies loudly and then stifles a laugh against his shoulder.</p><p>Harry kisses him quickly one last time before leaving the living room.</p><p>“Happy birthday,” he whispers against Louis’ lips.</p><p>Louis hums blissfully, “very happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry watches the world comes to life as Louis lies on the floor with his head on Harry’s thighs.</p><p>They attended one of those fancy New Year’s Eve parties Harry always gets invited to but doesn’t enjoy, and it was refreshing to have fun at the event for once. Louis made him put Zayn and his girlfriend on the list too, in case he had to do a few rounds of networking and leave Louis for a bit. He’s glad for it now, because he did end up having to do more polite conversations than he cares for and having the other couple there was a lot of fun.</p><p>So much fun that, before he knew it, it was 5 AM and Louis was forcefully pulling him towards the exit and declaring they needed to sleep.</p><p>Harry was surprised; he never managed to stay out so late anymore if he hadn’t taken anything. It was another good change of pace in his life, and he hopes 2020 welcomes it with open arms.</p><p>He and Louis eventually get home, but it was so late that they realized the sun would be up in fifteen minutes. So, they decided to stay up for it. <em>Let’s start the year by watching the sun come up and being grateful for it</em>, Louis had said.</p><p>Harry vaguely thought they were too old for that, but didn’t say anything.</p><p>That’s how, even as dawn has already passed, Harry is still sitting on his balcony, glad that he had the glass panels done last year otherwise he’d be having frostbite by now. Louis grabbed a blanket and promptly made himself comfortable using Harry as his personal pillow as soon as he sat down, almost forty minutes ago, so he doesn’t really want to move, even if he really wants his bed.</p><p>Harry realizes, in the middle of the tiredness, that he’s content. The beginning of a new year always feels like a pointless celebration to him, as things don’t normally change in a way that matters to him from one year to another. But today feels special. He’s certain Louis’ presence is what makes all the difference.</p><p>Louis and all the other things that ended up happening due to him being back in Harry’s life: Harry coming out to his coworkers; his apartment feeling like a home with Louis’ things scattered around; being able to daydream about kids without feeling sad again. It all brightened Harry’s life in a way he didn’t even realize he needed.</p><p>“Penny for your thoughts?” Louis asks quietly, peeking up at Harry curiously.</p><p>“Nothing really important,” Harry smiles down at him and starts playing with the hair sprawled across his thigh, “I’m just happy.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Louis’ eyes crinkle in happiness, “me too, love.”</p><p>Silence falls over them again, and they stay right as they are until the sun is totally up, shinning on them brightly even though it doesn’t break the coldness of the air.</p><p>“Let’s go to bed?” Harry finally asks, shaking Louis’ shoulder lightly.</p><p>The other man is a bit disoriented at first, almost asleep by then, but he eventually nods his head in agreement, “please.”</p><p>Harry helps him sit up and then brings them both up to their feet. They stumble their way through taking off their fancy clothes and throwing them haphazardly on the floor. They quickly snuggle under the covers, seeking warmth from one another, and Harry sighs in relief.</p><p>This is all he could possibly want; a warm bed, the love of his life in his arms, and a day of no commitments besides getting enough sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Before Harry can think too much about it, it’s May again. A message from Michael makes him remember that it’s been one year of having Louis back in his life again. And, even though it wasn’t without hiccups along the way, they’re doing well together.</p><p>He gets home late from a taping and realizes his first instinct is to call Louis and mention to him it’s been one year. Louis isn’t spending the night today, though.</p><p>He has to be content with a text, <em>1 year since u almost closed the door on my face</em>, hoping Louis will understand it means he’s thinking about him, about them.</p><p>He looks at the books on the living room shelf, a few that he would never read but are just Louis’ type, where they fill the space. He knows there’s an overflowing drawer of Louis’ clothes in his bedroom and multiple products in the bathroom cabinet. Louis already has a spare set of keys, for fuck’s sake. Maybe it’s time they start thinking about living together again. It might’ve been too soon for a new relationship, but they’ve been together before and it feels like a waste of time, to wait at their age.</p><p>Harry knows what he wants: to get to the point they were before, so they can make up for the lost time and start living the way they always wanted to. He feels like they are at a good point to start rebuilding their home.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe I should’ve done that</em>
</p><p>Harry snorts<em>, don’t even joke about it</em></p><p>Louis is extending his day shift into a night one to cover for a sick coworker, so they won’t see each other until tomorrow night. Maybe Harry can make some dinner, make it an unofficial dinner celebration, even if the date doesn’t count as an anniversary. He kind of really likes May now, and that feeling will probably stick with him for a while.</p><p>Harry opens the fridge and looks at what he has to make a mental supermarket list of things to buy, noticing that they’re low on the beer Louis likes and on apples for his work breaks.</p><p>He wonders if Louis’ fridge is stocked too or if he already assumes there are things in Harry’s apartment. Harry doesn’t want to assume, but he thinks back and distinctively remembers Louis coming to sleep over without the next day’s food packed. It’s been happening at least for a month now.</p><p>Harry feels hopeful that they’re on the same page.</p><p>
  <em>Janice is coming over to cover the rest of Amy’s shift. Can I go to yours?</em>
</p><p>Harry smiles at the text.</p><p>
  <em>Yea, I’ll make us some dinner. </em>
</p><p>Change of plans, then. Harry finds the ingredients to make a simple pasta dish and starts making it. He turns on the radio softly on the sounds system as he cooks and puts a wine bottle on the fridge to cool down a bit before Louis arrives.</p><p>He’s done and waiting by the time Louis lets himself in an hour later.</p><p>“Hey, love,” Louis greets him from the doorway, “I’ll go change out of my hospital clothes, yea?”</p><p>He walks straight into Harry’s room, their room, so Harry sets his phone down and goes to heat the food. As he does it, he ponders how he should approach the subject, so it’s natural and non-pressuring.</p><p>Maybe he could point out that they’ve basically been spending every night together already and gauge Louis’ reaction to it. It makes sense, right? Louis won’t think he’s being insensible bringing it up already.</p><p>“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Louis startles him, hugging him from behind and fitting his head over Harry’s shoulder to watch the food heat on the stove with him.</p><p>Harry leans back into him, enjoying their closeness, “nothing much.”</p><p>“C’mon, Harry, I know you better than that.”</p><p>Harry smiles internally, almost preening at the fact that yes, Louis does know him pretty well. “We can talk over dinner.”</p><p>He moves out of Louis’ embrace to get them plates. Louis raises an eyebrow and grabs Harry’s arm, stopping his movement abruptly, “you’re not breaking up with me, are you?”</p><p>“What?” Harry asks, shocked at the idea, “no, of course not! Why would you think that?”</p><p>Louis shrugs, but Harry can see the relief coming over him, “you’re acting all serious and then you mentioned a talk.”</p><p>Harry laughs weakly. “It’s almost the opposite.” When did things get so awkward? Harry needs to get a grip on himself. He’s not a teenager anymore. “I’ve been noticing how you have a lot of stuff here, and how we’re together almost every night.”</p><p>Louis hums in agreement but doesn’t give Harry more to work with.</p><p>Harry sighs, giving himself a second to brave his way through the conversation.</p><p>“So it seems kind of pointless and expensive to have two places, yeah? When we are kind of living together anyways...”</p><p>“Is this a practicality issue? Are you worried about me financially? Because I’m affording my place just fine as it is.”</p><p>“No, no,” Harry backtracks quickly, very aware that maybe that wasn’t the best argument he could’ve made.</p><p>“Sorry. I just went into argumentative mode. I want to live with you. I don’t want to have to question daily if you’re coming over and having to plan outfits to take to each other’s house. I want to be able to go home every night and know it’s the same place you go home to. I want to share the same space as you and wake up every day on the same bed.”</p><p>Louis takes Harry’s hand in his and plays with his rings idlily, clearly getting his thoughts straight before speaking. Harry lets him, even if his anxiety rises with every passing second.</p><p>Finally, Louis looks back up and they look at each other, “I want those things too. I really do. But I don’t want to rush us, only for it to backfire in our faces.”</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be immediately,” Harry reassures Louis. “I just want to talk about it, maybe start planning it. I wanted to let you know that’s how I feel. I’m serious about us in the long run. I’ve always wanted a family with you. You’ve been it for me since I was eighteen. And I know we are definitely not at that point in our new relationship, but living together feels, to me, like the first step into the right direction.”</p><p>Louis looks thoughtful again, silence stretching. Harry can’t help it trying to break it. “Plus we’re getting old.”</p><p>Louis laughs softly at that and the slight tension in the air dissipates, “We are,” he groans jokingly before eyeing Harry up. “We’re never going to be a properly conventional couple, huh?”</p><p>Harry smiles a bit at that. They aren’t, but it’s not a bad thing at all.</p><p>“I’m afraid not,” he answers Louis honestly.</p><p>“Alright,” Louis steps back from Harry and looks at him seriously. “I’ll look into getting out of my lease and we can start planning, okay? But my yearly fares adjustment is in September so probably not until then. I don’t think we need to rush any more than that.”</p><p>Harry can’t help the smile forming on his face. He leans into Louis and kisses him, hoping it translates his excitement over the situation. When he pulls away, a few seconds later, Louis’ expression matches his own.</p><p>“That’s perfect,” he replies to Louis’ proposal, extremely content with how things are going and with the fact Louis is ready for this next step too. </p><p>Louis pecks him on the lips, keeping them close together. His grin turns adoring, “I’m glad you came back into my life,” he admits quietly.</p><p>It sounds like a huge admission, so Harry cherishes it as one.</p><p>“I’m glad you gave me a second change. You make me so happy,” Harry tells him easily. It’s true.</p><p>Harry couldn’t be more grateful that he ended up talking to Michael, out of all people, about his terrible love life. He needed a push to give him enough courage to go after Louis, even if he didn’t really know it until it happened.</p><p>And then Louis actually gave him a second chance. They opened up to one another and Louis is willing to rebuild their relationship together. It’s more than Harry thought he’d get, but he will spend the rest of his life proving himself worthy of Louis’ love and affection.</p><p>Harry knows he would never have what he and Louis do with anyone else. He only wasted his time looking for it during their ten years apart. Looking back, now, he doesn’t know how he ever thought he could be truly happy without Louis, knowing that he was the one to fuck things up with the love of his life.</p><p>Finally, his future looks as bright as it can be.</p><p>“I love you,” Louis tells him, words coming out gentle and fond. Harry’s heart grows ten times its normal size, making his chest ache wonderfully. He wants to feel like this forever.</p><p>“And <em>I</em> love <em>you</em>.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. May 2023</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis opens the door to his and Harry’s house in an excited rush, wanting to talk to his husband as soon as possible and head back to the hospital.</p><p>Louis and Harry got married again almost a year ago and neither man wanted to wait too long to start a family. It had always been their dream, and both of them were very well-aware that time was passing.</p><p>So far, they had talked to people in a couple of adoption agencies, but nothing has felt right.</p><p>Nothing felt right until Louis landed his eyes on the sweetest creature he has ever seen.</p><p>Being a high-ranking nurse in the hospital gave him a few privileges. One of them surely was the fact that Carolina, head nurse on the maternity ward, was on the lookout in case of abandoned newborns for Louis. His chances of a successful adoption if he took the baby home from the hospital were high.</p><p>And truthfully, Harry was over the moon with the prospect of letting fate help them like that. It was exactly how Melissa became his sister, and what better way to start their family if not by repeating a successful family experience?</p><p>So when Louis had one hour left of his shift and he got a call from Carol, he all but ran to the other side of the hospital. The baby boy was perfect; he held onto Louis’ hand immediately and Louis just felt it was right. He is their Robin.</p><p>With the promise of not calling child services just yet from his friend, Louis went to get his husband. This wasn’t a conversation he could have over the phone but it was urgent.</p><p>“Harry, darling?” He shouts when he doesn’t spot Harry in the living room or the kitchen.</p><p>“Louis?” Harry’s voice comes from their study, so Louis makes his way over.</p><p>“Whatever you’re doing, put it down,” he says, sitting down across from Harry, grinning. “It’s an important matter.”</p><p>Harry looks a bit confused but closes his laptop and watches Louis expectantly.</p><p>“There’s a baby at the hospital. Just a few days old, found in an abandoned building. He’s a bit weak so they’re keeping him under watch, but overall he seems fine,” Louis takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm. “He’s perfect, Haz,” he says, awfully aware of the longing in his voice.</p><p>Harry looks shocked, but there’s clear excitement on his face too.</p><p>“Can I see him? What do we have to do?” He asks, looking overwhelmed.</p><p>Louis realizes that, for as much as his family talks about finding Liz at the hospital, grateful to the heaven’s for putting her in their lives just as Anne’s triplets had turned into twins after birth, they don’t really talk about the details on how to proceed with an adoption like that. Harry looks a bit lost, and maybe Louis should’ve been more careful in his explanation of the process. But now there’s no time for that. He has to settle with clarifying things as they happen. </p><p>“Yes, let’s go, Carol said she’d wait for us to come see him,” Louis stands up, holding a hand out for Harry.</p><p>Harry walks around the table and takes it. They both make their way out hastily, Harry hurrying to find his wallet and calling them an Uber.</p><p>Louis feels his heart thumping against his chest with a mixture of nervousness and excitement. Harry is going through the same whirl-wind of emotions if his expression is any indication to what’s going on inside.</p><p>He squeezes Harry’s hand, hoping it comes off comforting. Harry looks up at him and smiles brightly. “Does he have a name yet?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Are we still in agreement about Robin?”</p><p>Louis can’t help the gleeful laugh that escapes his mouth. “Yeah, he looks like a Robin, too.”</p><p>He feels himself getting emotional over the whole affair, but he chastises himself. Louis can’t believe he went from laughing to his eyes filling with tears in a matter of five seconds. This is all a lot, but he has to handle it more gracefully than that.</p><p>Harry is still grinning at him when the car pulls up in front of them, the driver asking for Harry through the window.</p><p>“That’s me,” Harry replies, moving to get the door handle.</p><p>Louis holds Harry back for a second, feeling the intense need to make sure Harry knows what he’s thinking. Harry looks at him, waiting to see why he stopped.</p><p>“I love you so much, you know?”</p><p>Harry instinctively moves to kiss him, “I know. I love you too.”</p><p>The driver grumbles something from inside so Harry steps away to open the door, apologizing for taking his time.</p><p>Louis climbs in before him and settles down quietly, greatly pleased with life.</p><p>They are exactly where they’re supposed to be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who read this fic! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing!</p><p>Please leave kudos and/or comments if you got here.<br/>It would be much appreciated and make my day brighter.</p><p>Here is the <a href="https://vintageumbroshirt.tumblr.com/post/634501702028083200/pull-me-back-together-again-harry-styleslouis">tumblr post</a> for reblogging.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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